And now, eight hours of vintage department store holiday music

Originally published at:


Old school ambient, I like it!


Some of this could def work for an all skate, too. :thinking:


But what if I’m in hell for more than 8 hours?


This is actually fairly pure. Some decent musicmaking here by actual humans


It’s actually 8 hours and 15 seconds! That should do it, no?


While we’re at it, the Sound Opinion guys had a holiday show last night of obscure x-mas music…


Can’t help but think of this:


Christmas Muzak is never quite the same without the accompanying backup screamers…




Don’t worry, it’s set to loop for eternity. If you don’t hate it the first time, you will by the 1024th.


Here’s the tape that played when I worked there in 1990-1991.

Not that I remember hearing any of this, given that I was at a register with angry moms yelling, kids screaming, and Blue Light Specials being announced constantly in between “600 to the front!” (manager needed because something didn’t ring up properly) and “300!” (we need more carts collected from the parking lot).


/ unwraps link /

Just what I wanted! Bell-like tone clusters, cheesy falling chromatic harmony lines, jaunty strings in parallel, maj7 chord endings, ambiguously-pitched jingling percussion, cheeky muted trumpets and glockenspiel, whatever that sparkly synthesized thing was just now…

When I said I loved the Bob Newhart soundtrack, I just knew you were listening!

Thank you so much!! I could (literally) listen to this all day.
((((( Boing Boing))))


I thought it would just be one song, slowed down to last 8 hours.


“Hauntology” version in 3, 2…

just as an FYI, Soma FM has an entire channel of Department Store xmas music this year. it’s glorious.


You know that in this 8 hours are some great moments. You just have to be patient and/or dig around.

I randomly settled on this point, for example, and it showed promise. A snappy, jazzy rendition of Do You Hear What I Hear:

But it pretty quickly got repetitive and dull. Still, it’s certain that gems await the brave explorer.


OK, I took the first hour. Sampling every 2-3 minutes and recording my impressions.

0:00 Head fake! This is not Theme From A Summer Place
3:00 Not sure if this is supposed to be Easter Parade or not. Thumbs down.
6:00 Jingle Bells, uptempo, with feeling. Nice pizzicato part.
9:10 Here Comes Santa Claus. Pretty bland.
12:00 Little Drummer Boy, 60s Easy listening/Mariachi style. Actually quite good.
15:00 Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer. Nothing special.
18:00 Snappy version of something pretty bad.
19:00 Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. snooze.
21:00 Frantic mess of some sort. Not awful, just not sure what it is.
24:00 Little Drummer Boy. SAME EXACT VERSION AS 12:00 TOTAL RIPOFF!!
27:00 Twelve Days of Christmas. Pointless noodling version.
30:00 Walking In A Winter Wonderland, somehow made more boring than normal
32:00 The First Noel. Not bad. Interesting Vincent Price dynamics at end.
34:00 ? Not sure what this is. Sounds quite department-store X-massy though. Takes a jazzy turn.
36:00 Jingle Bells. Much more straightforward than version at 6:00, and not as interesting.
39:00 Santa Claus Is Coming To Town. Like Jingle Bells, mostly straight version. Not terrible.
42:00 Let It Snow. Prominent sax plays the melody pretty nicely. Not much else going on.
45:00 Back to the 60s slightly psychedelic easy listening mode. Can’t id the tune offhand.
47:00 Frosty the Snowman in glockenspiel or something else horrible.
49:00 White Christmas. Pretty hard-to-listen-to for Easy Listening
51:00 Deck the Halls harpsichord version. Skip.
53:00 I’ll Be Home For Christmas, boring.
55:15 Sleigh Ride. Has some snap to it. But not very entertaining. And omits “Farmer Gray” …!
58:00 Twelve Days of Christmas. Different from 27:00 but not any better. In fact, worse.
59:30 We Wish You A Merry Christmas. ALL 42 SECONDS OF IT. Short and to the point, very nice.

Who volunteers for hour #2?


It isn’t Xmas for me without ‘vintage department store holiday music’, but I was very early exposed to Xmas liturgical chorale along with Xmas pop tunes. Here’s my favorite reading of a very short chorale from one of my favorite composers of aforesaid genre, Philip Arnold Heseltine (better known by his pseudonym, Peter Warlock). Sadly, he died at an early age, possibly a suicide.

If it doesn’t load, look up ‘Balulalow Cantorisdecani’ on YT.