Anti-theft toilet paper dispenser with facial recognition technology

Does it end up figuring into your social credit score?


back in 90-92 i worked at a ranch resort/conference center just outside of estes park, colorado. after i’d worked there for 8 months i was housekeeping supervisor. one of the more interesting moments as i learned how to do that was dealing with salesmen. one of the salesmen had a line of toilet paper that was “guaranteed to reduce lost profit due to excessive usage of paper goods.” i’m being a little hyperbolic (but not much) when i say that you could just about see chips of pulpwood in each sheet of the bathroom tissue. it reminded me of the paper they used in the dorm i stayed in during my first four years in college.


That or the technology is a piece of crap.


That’s just … really weird.

Remember that Boy Scout mnemonic: “Leaflets three, great TP.”


Yes, they have. 8 out of 10 cats prefer it that way


LOL my cat use to do this allot. Come after work to find the entire bathroom floor covered in shredded toilet paper. Loved that cat.


But they said it would work just fine for brown eyes!


45 comments in and nobody’s mentioned how the park visitors who need more paper must be SOL (Shit Out of Luck)?


They need to hook this into that state social media app: Use too many sheets and your civic score goes down.


Since the implementation of Phase XVII of the Austerity Program, employees have been allowed to bring their own bathroom tissue from home. This approach is somewhat bulky and redundant, as every worker usually brings their own roll.

Some offices have attempted to meet this challenge by instituting bathroom-tissue pools.
Without overgeneralizing, it may be stated that an inherent and irreducible feature of any bathroom-tissue pool implemented at the office level, in an environment (i.e., building) in which comfort stations are distributed on a per-floor basis (i.e., in which several offices share a single facility) is that provision must be made within the confines of the individual office for temporary stationing of bathroom tissue distribution units (i.e., rolls). This follows from the fact that if the BTDUs (rolls) are stationed, while inactive, outside of the purview of the controlling office (i.e., the office that has collectively purchased the BTDU)-that is, if the BTDUS are stored, for example, in a lobby area or within the facility in which they are actually utilized, they will be subject to pilferage and “shrinkage” as unauthorized persons consume them, either as part of a conscious effort to pilfer or out of an honest misunderstanding, i.e., a belief that the BTDUs are being provided free of charge by the operating agency (in this case the United States Government), or as the result of necessity, as in the case of a beverage spill that is encroaching on sensitive electronic equipment and whose management will thus brook no delay. This fact has led certain offices (which shall go unnamed-you know who you are, guys) to establish makeshift BTDU depots that also serve as pool-contribution collection points. Usually, these depots take the form of a table, near the door closest to the facility, on which the BTDUs are stacked or otherwise deployed, with a bowl or some other receptacle in which participants may place their contributions, and typically with a sign or other attention-getting device (such as a stuffed animal or cartoon) requesting donations. A quick glance at the current regulations will show that placement of such a display/depot violates the procedure manual. However, in the interests of employee hygiene, morale, and group spirit-building, my higher-ups have agreed to make a one-time exception in the regulations for this purpose.

– William Gibson, Snow Crash

(which I totally need to read again.)


Came for the Demolition Man references; was not disappointed.


seems like this policy could backfire stupendously. I mean if the dispensed 2’ wasn’t enough (let’s just say I had taco bell or something), and I had to stew in a stall for 9 minutes… I think I’d just start finding other smooth surfaces in that bathroom to use.

Also, how much does a facial recognition dispenser cost relative to TP? Just how much TP can you buy for the cost of one of these machines?


Close, not quite.

For me it’s no so much about reading again as reading for the 597th time.


I would love to read that book.

But also, the scene at The Feds takes on new meaning now that we know the Trump presidency is in the pre-snowcrash era. Maybe it wasn’t Reagan notes which were being used as toilet paper.

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Wait, do I have to take my dose of Compliance, and keep my shiv in a nice box?

Wow… I don’t know how I managed that. I read a lot of both of them for a while but their styles really aren’t that similar :weary:

Anyway, I read it two or three times before loaning it to a friend whose apartment then flooded with my book on the floor. I need to dig up another copy.


More for me!


I think it already exists. $39.99