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Unizone Corporation
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General Services Contract
* Vessel Information *
1.) Name of vessel:_T̲h̲e̲_F̲o̲i̲l̲____
2.) Please select the attribute that best describes your ship:
[Sneaky, Fast, Powerful, Durable, Lucky]
At first glance you would think lucky. As in 'it's lucky to continue existing' but even though it's not more than a jumped-up soap bubble, she's Durable and that's no lie.
3.) Description of previous work experience in haiku:
Confused Hologram,
Bloody Rainbow-Bubble Ship,
WTAF?
*Captain Information*
4.) Full Name:__A̲n̲t̲o̲n̲y̲_M̲c̲G̲o̲v̲e̲n̲______
5.) Identity Class:
[Human, Space Lizard, Space Lobster, Space Moose]
Human. Currently appear to be a hologram projected from beyond the edge of the know universe. Unsure of how this happened, memory decidedly foggy on that topic. Otherwise physically able.
6.) Are you over 20% on the cyborg spectrum (N)
No. Small dose of nano-bots which still seem to work. Not quite sure how, being holographic and all. It's quite confusing.
*Signing Bonus*
7.) Would you like to immediately receive your signing bonus of Ƀ.015 (Space Bits) now or would you like to wait and receive Ƀ.030 as a deferred bonus?
Defer.
8.) How much, if any, of your signing bonus should be applied to greasing the random number generator during the character creation phase?
Assign all deferred earnings stemming from signing bonus directly to 'grease'.
By submitting this application document to the Unizone Corporation, you agree to serve faithfully under the Terms and Conditions of our Endless User License Agreement.
Pleasure to me you, Captain Antony McGoven of “The Foil”.
Or at least your current local projection.
Being “a hologram projected from beyond the edge of the know universe” suggests you may be able to appear in multiple places in our universe at once. Or at least, you can shift between two places so quickly it amounts to the same thing.
For organic life forms that share my visual cortex architecture, you could “shift” in-and-out of my portion of 5-space faster than my eye’s saccade , meaning that you would be both “in two places at once” and be invisible from my perspective.
This raises some fascinating informational arbitrage opportunities I’d love to discuss with you.
Be warned…Falkayn might like to talk (a lot) about mutually profitable arrangements, but from what news reached my ears about the revolution here a couple of cycles back, he’s a reputation for inducing other captains into suicide missions, and yet he somehow always ends up on the safer routes himself.
I also heard he was voted sneakiest sneak in Charybdis by his fellow captains.
I’m not saying you should check your wallet after you talk to him, but…
It’s the damnedest thing. I’m definitely being projected from beyond the edge of the known universe but apart from that everything seems pretty normal. Stuck like a fly in ember, just like the rest of us, m’afraid. No ‘fancy stuff’ so far as I know. Well, that is, apart from my meals and my uh, ablutions. Appearing and disappearing like that. Damnedest thing, y’know.
Perhaps my projection mechanism affords some functionality like you describe but I’m afraid that currently, when it comes to branes, I’m quite lacking.
Oh, this keeps happening, I blame my predilection for Hot Pink and shoulder pads. But when you’re designing your own Military Uniform for an inscrutable and laconic special-forces battalion that originates beyond the limits of the known universe, your imagination does tend to run away with itself.
I used to look a little more like the chap on the right, before I got into Post-Pre-Pre-Postmodern Fashion Theory:
I’ll try to dig out a recent photograph but the conversion process from holo-to-digital is interminable.
I don’t worry about them too much, they’ve been known to clean up well for formal occasions.
That said, I do like that dual dispenser. Could come in handy for beard maintenance. Actually, he just told me that two pumps aren’t enough, so now I’ve got to figure out what to do about that.
Haha! He says that four are a minimum: beard wash, beard conditioner, nourishing oil (whatever that is) and “beard scent.” And there are plans for at least three more care products.
That’s the thing old bean, once I’d finally resolved into my proper, human form and could think about myself, where I’d come from and things of that sort, I realised I could ask some other chaps for help in discovering my origins.
Small chap, hair lip; Brandon it was, Scientist chap. Helped me track the source of the holographic food and hand-written notes I keep finding about my person to beyond the edge of the bloody universe. Don’t ask me how it works, slices of loaves of bread was what I heard, damn fool that I am.
Anyway, better keep doing as the notes say, withhold food when I don’t, you know. Don’t ch’know.
Many, many times have I broadcast: “Enjoy Life. Make Money. Stay Alive.”
That said, I do respect each being’s existential right to define their own self-interest. El-Esk knew full well what she was doing - would you have denied her?
