A dented door and some lizard parts float past the bridge of the Expositor II.
Flik: This is 'orrible!!!
J-One: It does appear that a grave tragedy has occurred indeed, sir.
Flik: Joanie!!! My favorite bar… 'TIS GONE!
J-One: The entire planet is appears to be, “gone,” sir. Obliterated might be a more accurate word,sir.
Flik: I don’t care about that mustard stained ball of arse, DUCK’S… WHERE THE HELL IS DUCK’S!!
J-One: Nothing is coming up on the scanner, just the debris field, sir.
At the Unizone regional headquarters, underlings scurry about, tracking blood everywhere. Mr. Chum steps into the boardroom carrying a large aluminum letter “H.”
Mr. Alces: IDIOTS!! CLEAN THIS UP!! Who has the next report!?
Mr. Chum: That would (unfortunately) be me.
Mr. Alces: Well. Spit it out.
Mr. Chum: So... The problem with the printer seems to be a bit bigger than we thought.
Mr. Alces: How big?
Mr. Chum: The whole print bay was spitting out the phrase "Hello World" in every material we have available. Steel. Plasteel. Glassteel. And in every language. We've had to take that part of the ship completely offline.
Mr. Alces: Why the hell are you bothering me about a printer glitch when we have an entire factory cranking out unauthorized war ships?!
Mr. Chum: Actually, they seem to be related issues. The attacks on our operations seem to all be coming from a single source and.. well.. please don't kill me sir... we're fairly certain it's the money.
Mr. Alces: Someone is after our cold storage vault?
Mr. Chum: No... It's the space blockchain. We believe it's become sentient.
Mr. Alces: HA!!! That’s absurd. Impossible! And why would it bother taking over the print bay?
Mr. Chum: Well, sir... We believe it's fucking with us.
Results
+---------- Ship ----------+-- HP ---+- FP -+- SH -+- EN -+- ST -+- LK -+- GRIT -+
| Carcinogenic Denture | 32/112 | 25 | 29 | 34 | 26 | 24 | 7 |
+--------------------------+---------+------+------+------+------+------+--------+
Hat: None
StarBits: b300.0000
Additional Notes:
-b120, Full HP, +10 Max HP, +2 SH | Complete Overhaul
-b40, 4SH | Hull Plating
b0 | Mission 1 - Cubical Drones x 6
-80HP | Drone Damage
b300 | Mission Success!
@funruly
+---------- Ship ----------+-- HP ---+- FP -+- SH -+- EN -+- ST -+- LK -+- GRIT -+
| Ignoble Calumnie | 103/109 | 26 | 19 | 25 | 21 | 29 | 2 |
+--------------------------+---------+------+------+------+------+------+--------+
Hat: None
StarBits: b104.0000
Additional Notes:
-b6, 12HP | Hull Repairs
-b10 | Mission 3 - Data Miners
-6 HP | 1x Asteroid
b100 | Mission Success!
+---------- Ship ----------+-- HP ---+- FP -+- SH -+- EN -+- ST -+- LK -+- GRIT -+
| Certain Moral Flex | 46/98 | 16 | 14 | 22 | 51 | 43 | 3 |
+--------------------------+---------+------+------+------+------+------+--------+
Hat: None
StarBits: b549.2000
Additional Notes:
-b50 | Mission 2 - Synergy Cannon
-b1 | Sent to @Glutnix
-4FP | Sent to @gwwar
+4ST | Received from @gwwar
-25 HP | 4x Asteroid
b400 | Mission Success!
+---------- Ship ----------+-- HP ---+- FP -+- SH -+- EN -+- ST -+- LK -+- GRIT -+
| Dabohaze | -15/99 | 26 | 27 | 27 | 29 | 26 | 5 |
+--------------------------+---------+------+------+------+------+------+--------+
Hat: None
StarBits: b0.0000
Additional Notes:
b40 | Received from Community Fund
b7 | Received from @Glutnix
-b27, 54HP | Hull Repairs
-b40, 4EN | 2x Machine That Goes Bing
-b20, 2ST | Scan Scrambler
-b40, 4SH | Hull Plating
b0 | Mission 1 - Cubical Drones
-113 HP | Drone Damage, 2 Dodged
+1 GRIT | So Many Drones!!
Dead | Mission Failed
+---------- Ship ----------+-- HP ---+- FP -+- SH -+- EN -+- ST -+- LK -+- GRIT -+
| The YOLO Mk2 | 15/99 | 37 | 21 | 36 | 30 | 32 | 4 |
+--------------------------+---------+------+------+------+------+------+--------+
Hat: None
StarBits: b400.0000
Additional Notes:
-b20, 40HP | Hull Repairs
-b60, 8FP | Gatling Cannon
b0 | Mission 1 - Cubical Drones x 8
-83 HP | Drone Damage, 1 Dodged
+1 GRIT | So Many Drones!!
b400 | Mission Success!
Item | 1x Cask of Honeywine
+---------- Ship ----------+-- HP ---+- FP -+- SH -+- EN -+- ST -+- LK -+- GRIT -+
| Smiling Dingo | 56/96 | 41 | 30 | 32 | 15 | 19 | 4 |
+--------------------------+---------+------+------+------+------+------+--------+
Hat: None
StarBits: b215.0000
Additional Notes:
-b25, 50HP | Hull Repairs
-b40, 4SH | Hull Plating
-4ST | Sent to @daneel
4FP | Received from @daneel
b0 | Mission 1 - Cubical Drones
-41 HP | Drone Damage
b200 | Mission Success!
+---------- Ship ----------+-- HP ---+- FP -+- SH -+- EN -+- ST -+- LK -+- GRIT -+
| Audacious Blip | 98/102 | 23 | 24 | 37 | 16 | 21 | 2 |
+--------------------------+---------+------+------+------+------+------+--------+
Hat: None
StarBits: b176.8333
Additional Notes:
-b3, 5HP | Hull Repairs (to Max HP)
-b100, 10EN | 5x Machine That Goes Bing
-b10 | Mission 3 - Data Miners
-4 HP | 1x Asteroid
b100 | Mission Success!
+---------- Ship ----------+-- HP ---+- FP -+- SH -+- EN -+- ST -+- LK -+- GRIT -+
| Pleiades 360 | 97/101 | 30 | 28 | 25 | 25 | 18 | 7 |
+--------------------------+---------+------+------+------+------+------+--------+
Hat: None
StarBits: b102.0000
Additional Notes:
-b28, 56HP | Hull Repairs
-b10 | Mission 3 - Data Miners
-4 HP | 1x Asteroid
b100 | Mission Success!
+---------- Ship ----------+-- HP ---+- FP -+- SH -+- EN -+- ST -+- LK -+- GRIT -+
| Scrumpert | -7/99 | 14 | 20 | 19 | 20 | 27 | 1 |
+--------------------------+---------+------+------+------+------+------+--------+
Hat: None
StarBits: b78.5000
Additional Notes:
-50HP | Caught in attack on Duck's
Dead
+---------- Ship ----------+-- HP ---+- FP -+- SH -+- EN -+- ST -+- LK -+- GRIT -+
| Somewhat Broken Heart | 84/101 | 32 | 25 | 34 | 18 | 29 | 6 |
+--------------------------+---------+------+------+------+------+------+--------+
Hat: None
StarBits: b401.9000
Additional Notes:
b40 | Received from Community Bank -b40, 4EN | 2x Machine That Goes Bing
-b31, 62HP | Hull Repairs
-b50 | Mission 2 - Synergy Cannon
-16 HP | 4x Asteroid
b400 | Mission Success!
