“The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons.” --RW Emerson.
“Beware Greeks bearing Trojans” – Playboy
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A lot of people who say that men shouldn’t call themselves feminists don’t seem to realize that this is a moving target.
“Well, I wouldn’t call myself a feminist exactly…” just becomes the new, “I’m a feminist.”
If you allow the worst people to set the terms that define you in the conversation, how do you expect that conversation to get better? Policing terms is a pointless exercise that only ever becomes about people’s ego and holier-than-thouness. But you don’t need to police everyone who calls themself an X to defend your conception of X. Stand your ground. They’re the bastards, they can stop calling themselves X.
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If asked, I’d say I’m a feminist. I would not put on a big show about it, however.
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as a texan i’ve been condemned for my feminist views so often and so many times that my response to the question you mention is generally along the lines of “damn straight i’m a feminist and anyone with half a brain who knows how to use it is too!”
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I know you’re speaking in general, but this is something I might not have been clear about. For my part, I don’t think men should not call themselves feminists. If it’s some rando, I’m going to wonder whether they’re being sincere or merely virtue signalling, which is what I meant by it puts me on high alert. Likewise if being a soi-disant feminist is a source of revenue for them, I’m going to be extra wary and on the look out for conflicts of interest. Mainly this is because of how many men say this and then behave terribly towards women.
But if someone I know and reasonably trust (yourself for example) says it, I’m going to assume you’re expressing a sincere political stance.
Not calling myself a feminist doesn’t mean I don’t think other men should call themselves feminists, and the reasons why I might be suspicious of them are different from the reason I don’t use it for myself. Now if someone else decides that my beliefs and actions fulfill their definition of feminist, then I will gladly accept their appellation of the term within that limit. I don’t consider it an insult or a bad thing to be called.
Fair enough. But if they meet your definition but don’t emphasize the label as you do, could they have half a brain? Or is it emphasizing the label an inextricable part of what you consider to be a feminist? I don’t ask that last question without rancor; I’m genuinely curious as I know some people do consider that a criteria without which they would not consider someone a feminist. But it also goes to illustrate how personal criteria, often held very resolutely, can differ or extend beyond dictionary definitions.
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OK, so I know it’s unfair of me after berating some feminists for saying it’s not okay for men to be feminists…but despite doing that, a part of me feels like a guy who takes on that title and goes on about feminist ideals is a kind of Nice Guy™.
If you go back and read that Everyday Feminism piece I linked to earlier, that’s exactly what they suggest: that men, being men, cannot take on the title themselves, but earn and continually earn it by not being a dick.
Me, I just don’t worry about it. If I have to tell people I’m a thing like a feminist, then I’m probably not one. If I have to tell people I’m nice, I’m probably a dick. Instead I try to not be a dick. I often fail, but I don’t agonize over it, I just try to be aware of times when I’m a dick and not do that.
I do cook better than he does. More importantly, it’s part of a deal that’s going on 20 years now - if I cook for him anytime he’s hungry (like, after a gig at 4 AM), I will never have to do the dishes.
No smacks needed 
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I’ve spent some time wondering about some people’s take that men can’t be feminists. I’ve decided it’s not important whether or not men can label themselves thusly, it’s the actions that count. What is the utility of such a contentious label? “Ally” is just as good as it signifies the same intent and nobody has a problem with it. We’re not arguing a label that is core to male identity, so no biggie, is my feeling.
“Can men be feminists?” is less interesting than, “Can women be chauvinists”? I’ve met a number of elderly women who espouse the idea that women who were raped were at fault because of how they dressed. 
But then, such people probably don’t self identify as anything in particular, so maybe it’s a non-issue?
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I’d like to add that it’s also not important because you don’t have to worry about what some jerks say about you. I’m the first to say “haters gonna make some good points” so if someone is criticizing you, then give some thought to what they are saying and why. But when I see people talking about how some woman yelled at them for calling themselves a feminist, I think, “Why, of all the things that have happened in your life, are you holding onto that?”
Most often when I’ve heard a man talk about women not wanting men to say they are feminist, they’ve seem angry at women for that. Instead of thinking, “This one time [or a few times] someone has been angry at me,” they think, “Those crazy feminists can’t make up their minds.” There’s something very sexist underlying the anger.
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Since it seems you’re only getting responses saying that you would regret it, I’m going to present the opposite viewpoint.
If you stop prioritizing finding a romantic/sexual partner, and just concentrated on living your life instead, you would not regret that shift in focus.
Down the line, you would be happier with your work, your friendships, your social activities, etc. You would be happier with YOU.
And then, yes, it’s possible that because you are so comfortable being yourself you could very well attract someone who is actually attracted to YOU, not merely the idea of being in a romantic/sexual relationship. Much better than going out with someone simply because they happen to be the closest or most likely candidate for the position, and the position must-be-filled-dammit.
But if you don’t, you would still have a fulfilling life. And a lot less frustration and heartache.
In any case, making the decision to shift your thinking now doesn’t mean you can never shift it back. If it doesn’t seem to be right for you after 6 months or a year or whatever, reevaluate then.
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That’s a solid deal. I cooked and did dishes, my ex made the bed (fitted sheets are infuriating!) and too many other things to mention; and 95% of the time it all worked perfectly. Having a solid partner makes life so, so much easier.
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No.
Listen to @anon67050589. We disagree occasionally, but she is virtually always correct. Take her advice, it is wisdom.
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What? Changing fitted sheets is a man’s job.
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Am I a feminist? Yes.
I consider this baseline decent behaviour, like ‘not being an asshole’ (in fact it may be part of ‘not being an asshole’). You don’t get points for this though, and trying to may invalidate your ‘not an asshole’ status.
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If you want it done haphazardly, with a lot of swearing, ask me to do it 
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i suppose the emphatic nature of my response is derived both from the derision with which those who question the concept of being a feminist regardless of gender that is included within their various phrasings of the question when i find myself on hostile ground and the timid, almost apologetic, way which many i know who are feminists express themselves.
to be clearer, i would not use the above phraseology if i were asked the question while among friends who likely shared my beliefs.
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otoh, folding fitted sheets competently is a job for an artisan regardless of gender.
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…wizard, witch or anyone else highly skilled in the occult arts.
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