Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted. But every night it fills you with dread to see your dog assemble the ladder used to escape the fence. It’s not so much the unaturalness of a dog building a ladder, it’s the look it gives you each night just before it disappears into the darkness to do who knows what.

I wish I had more coffee.

6 Likes

Granted! You win a lifetimes supply of roast beans and freeze-dried coffee. But due to an unappreciated quirk of physical chemistry, water now boils at 45C. Good luck brewing anything.

Or: http://boingboing.net/2017/01/04/this-self-brewing-mug-is-reinv.html

I wish I could speak Portuguese

6 Likes

Granted. You are now able to speculate all day about how you’d make your living in your imaginary economies.

Granted. Due to a long, convoluted story involving astral time-travel, bleeding trees, three-eyed ravens, and zombies, you are no longer able to vocalize any word other than “Portugese.”

I wish to be able to work at a computer all day without getting a headache.

[Edit: replied to @tachin1 instead of @anon68287401’s first comment]

5 Likes

Granted. You are now a luddite and an accountant, here´s your computer:

I wish the next door neighbor’s dog would stop rattling that fence.

8 Likes

Is he trying to build a ladder?

7 Likes

I was going to just let this go but… Welcome to bOiNGbOiNG! Here we read hundreds of articles about cold brewing the most delicious coffees!

(I believe this one indicates you have no excuse…)

And this total lie:

You get a free do-over on corrupting my wish.

6 Likes

I’m going to go make some coffee now.

6 Likes

Fine… Granted! You win a lifetimes supply of the highest quality coffee beans that you can brew at whatever temperature you please.

You spill the first cup on your new jeans! What a terrible stain. It won’t come out.

I wish that universal basic income was implemented

9 Likes

That sounds eerily familiar, are you following me?

6 Likes

It is, in Finland. That was an easy wish to grant.

I wish for heaven to be real, and for everyone who deserves it to get in.

3 Likes

Poof! Your wish is granted. Pious people get in however you don’t. You know what you did. :neutral_face:

I wish that they didn’t make mild and medium cheddar cheese. I mean, why waste all that milk?

8 Likes

Granted! It’s day after day of watching those on Earth do what Earthlings do. Yeah you get to see your kids as grandparents, and their grandkids as grandparents … but soon enough, you’re 10 generations deep and getting a bit overwhelmed keeping track of it all. 2000 years later – some 60 generations after you – you’ve got way too mny descendants to track and half the girls are named Edith and Gladys (the names came back around). You get to watch whatever you want – but tired of being a voyeur long ago, plus watching your hot great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-granddaughter do whatever she does is pretty creepy and it’s hard to find someone who most definitely is not your descendant without getting permission from the authorities to dig into someone’s past. So have fun watching a shitty version of Big Brother for all eternity. Well – until the sun does what suns do and earth is no longer a place anything can live. Then you literally have to stare into space.

10 Likes

Dude, that’s seriously meta to stealth edit a post on somebody about developing paranoia.

Did I ever tell you about C3PO’s silver leg?

6 Likes

Granted. There’s no more cheddar at all. Why oh why did you have to play with fire?

I wish my junk would throw itself out.

5 Likes

Granted. Your genitals have left the building.

I wish that I didn’t make that wish about the cheese.

7 Likes

Granted! Food manufacture and production is abandoned in totality, except for mild and medium cheddar cheese. Eat up, it’s all that’s left.

I wish that Britain didn’t leave the EU

5 Likes

Granted. They’ve left the surface of the earth and joined the molemen. Really, outside of having to wear hardhats all the time, things are probably better.

I wish I could shake off this over all feeling of dread.

8 Likes

Granted. You shake it off, it gains sentience, goes back in time, turns orange, and gets elected President.

I wish for more social confidence.

8 Likes

Granted. Dunning-Kruger effect unfortunately.

I wish it was 5PM where I’m at.

7 Likes

Granted!

BTW, did you see the memo this morning about mandatory overtime? There are sleeping bags in the large conference room.

I wish I could find better auto-playing videos.

6 Likes