Granted. There’s no more cheddar at all. Why oh why did you have to play with fire?
I wish my junk would throw itself out.
5 Likes
Granted. Your genitals have left the building.
I wish that I didn’t make that wish about the cheese.
7 Likes
Granted! Food manufacture and production is abandoned in totality, except for mild and medium cheddar cheese. Eat up, it’s all that’s left.
I wish that Britain didn’t leave the EU
5 Likes
Granted. They’ve left the surface of the earth and joined the molemen. Really, outside of having to wear hardhats all the time, things are probably better.
I wish I could shake off this over all feeling of dread.
8 Likes
Granted. You shake it off, it gains sentience, goes back in time, turns orange, and gets elected President.
I wish for more social confidence.
8 Likes
Granted. Dunning-Kruger effect unfortunately.
I wish it was 5PM where I’m at.
7 Likes
Granted!
BTW, did you see the memo this morning about mandatory overtime? There are sleeping bags in the large conference room.
I wish I could find better auto-playing videos.
6 Likes
You do. In fact they are so good, you can do nothing but watch them. And since they are autoplaying…you can do nothing but watch them. Currently we are wondering what you’ll die from first: Starvation or the pressure ulcers on you butt from sitting so long. My money is on the pressure ulcers.
I wish I could have much wittier replies for the I wish part or these posts.
7 Likes
Granted! You’re replies are so witty that we have to shut down the thread. Then you reply on other threads, and they are so good, they just shut down the BBS!
I wish my cat would be logical.
6 Likes
Your cat is now logical. It continues to act in exactly the same manner, because, hey, free food, water, shelter, treats, cuddles and clean letter boxes! And, you know, also to throw off suspicion as it uses its new brainpower to plot to take over the world. While purring maniacally.
I wish my cats would stop trying to chew on the branches of my artificial Christmas tree.
7 Likes
Granted! They move on to chewing the trunk of the artificial Christmas tree.
I wish that global warming was not a thing
4 Likes
Poof! Suddenly the oceans are able to absorb all the excess carbon emissions with no effect on the climate. However, this has set off a chain of events
and now the denizens of R’yleh are beginning to wake.
I wish this wind would calm down.
6 Likes
Granted. The wind stops. The clouds which would have blown right on by you stop right over head and dump ten feet of snow on you. Happy shovelling!
I wish that the programmers who worked on this project before me had done a better job at writing the documentation.
4 Likes
Granted! The documentation is now utterly clear and comprehensive. All edge cases are covered and tough concepts and fully exemplified with screenshots. It’s a world-class job.
An executive drops by your team area. “This doco is the gold standard,” he says. “All documentation from all teams has to match or exceed this standard. No additional project time will be accommodated, though. Nimelennar, I want you to prime this.”
I wish I had stable and reasonably fast broadband…
6 Likes
Granted! Your broadband is now magically symmetric 1GB/s and has 99.9% uptime. Regrettably the botnet installed on your router uses almost all of the available bandwidth to send spam emails, DDoS the DNC, and to fiddle with your internet-enabled house lights (why did you buy those?) - so as far as you can tell it’s just as flakey and unreliable as ever.
I wish I won the lottery.
6 Likes
Poof! A winner is you! Unfortunately, this lottery was created by Shirley Jackson. Have fun being dead!
I wish for 5 day weekends and 2 day weekdays without any change in salary.
8 Likes
Granted! But your work moves you onto the weekend shift.
I wish that the Dodo had not gone extinct.
10 Likes
Granted. Their inquisitive and fun-living nature, along with their looks makes Dodos the ideal pet and their near-extinction guarantees them protected status in perpetuity, to prevent this from happening again.
It’s not too long before a breeding pair of them are loose and feral Dodos become a serious environmental issue. It’s the sort of thing would keep you up at night, if the loud and off-key WhhheeeeeeeOOONNKKK!!! WhhheeeeeeeOOONNKKK!!! of the Dodos mating in your back yard wasn’t already doing that. Somehow, it always seems to be mating season for them.
As you look longingly at the shotgun, you wonder whether or not the 20 year jail sentence would be worth it, or whether it would be simpler to turn it on yourself.
I wish my mouse would stop double-clicking when it should single-click.
8 Likes
Granted. It now triple clicks when it should single click.
I wish I was better at managing stress.
4 Likes
That actually solves the problem. Select, deselect, select again. 
ETA: Ohhhkay. Now I have a new problem. 
2 Likes
