Error: cannot delete file, file does not exist. Serenity didn’t happen. It’s bad fan fiction that somehow made the big screen. Someone feel free to corrupt the wish. I haven’t. 
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I’m incredibly sorry, I wish I didn’t inadvertently contribute to the firefly ciclejerk that just happened.
But, in other news, Helllloo @Ignatius and @JonasEggeater.My, are you both looking good these days…
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Granted. The massive harpoon missed him by millimeters, wrecking his favorite coat but sparing his life. As he turned to collect his dinosaurs noticed Zoe was quiet. Too quiet. Far too quiet. The harpoon had managed to open a coolant line and she had agonizingly frozen to death. To add insult to injury Jayne’s hat blew out an open window and he later found only a tattered earflap.
I wish I would stop running out of batteries for my electronic devices.
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Geez, that hit close to home (I have teenage girls).
(Wow, that was terrible.)
Granted. In the alternate timeline where you stop running out of batteries for your electronic devices, it is because batteries were never invented. Now see what you’ve done?
I wish that there were a permanent Moon base… on Mars!
Granted, though the heirs of the crew of the Phobos base have been notified that it was your wish that hurled them onto the Martian rocks with a resounding splat of finality, and they are investigating liability litigation as well as a civil suit against the carelessness of your wishology. Plus, they let out all the nitrogen from the tires of your Buick. You monster.
I wish there were a permanent manned base on Mars, if only to give the Phobos victims a decent burial.
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There is and it’s quite well populated, as the Gaean Matricheal Plenum Obliviate has commuted the death-sentence for all men who choose it as their place of permanent exile.
I wish I could quit you.
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Long as they still manufacture quality license plates, I’m not sure that succeeds in corrupting my wish.
Granted. Jetson!
I wish we never, ever, ever end this thread.
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Codinghorror did come up with the wish that could not be corrupted, and that wish, like Ice-Nine, touched another wish and uncorrupted it, and then those two wishes touched two more formerly corrupted wishes, until, finally and instantaneously, ALL wishes, good, evil or in between, became superposed in incorruptible existence, causing the heat death of the Universe, which was already mentioned in a formerly corrupted wish, and so the paradox caused the heat death event to destroy itself in a flash of blinding and unblinding light/non-light, causing and not causing the paradox/nonparadox to resolve and unresolve, thus giving birth to this tiny gherkin.
I wish.
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Yeah, I had a longer paragraph about the slight bitterness of the daily chemical-castration ration, but kept deleting it as it was klunky. And who can really be bothered to care anyway.
Also, if you want to eat, you best improve your massage skills, for Mars kneads womyn.
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Granted, http://forums.xkcd.com/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=5343
567 pages times
I wish for a pony a camel, 3 mice, a unicorn and unicorn meat.
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Granted. You shoulda seen the look on that poor brony’s face when a camel, 3 mice, and a unicorn poofed into existence in front of him.
I wish for a happy ending.
Sasquatch uses your torn shirt to wipe the KY off his hands.
I wish for an end to the NSA’s warrantless spying.
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The NSA is given a blanket warrant to do whatever they want.
I wish for an end to the NSA’s spying.
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The NSA is abolished and all their spies and spy stuff are transferred to the CIA.
I wish for a happier ending.
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Two Sasquatches wipe their hands off on your torn shirt after working it a little more this time.
I wish for a new pair of flip-flops.
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I wish for a new pair of flip-flops.
It’s election season again, and attempting to view any web video results in you being redirected to the same pair of ads, each asking you to call up someones office and “ask about their pattern of flip flops” It’s absurd, but it makes you momentarily proud to live in one of the three “swing states.”
I wish my Dad was still alive.
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That’s hilarious about the flip-flops; I did not see that one coming. I will let someone else respond to your wish, because anything snarky that I might come up with about it, you will hate me forever, so I’ll just let you hate someone else today.
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On your last visit to your father in the care facility, he had woken up with wet underpants and pushed them and the sheet down to his ankles. Not sure of what to do, you chat awkwardly. Your father says that growing old is a terrible thing, and that he misses his wife and his brothers and sisters. When your wife comes in, she covers him up with the sheet, rings for an nurse, and asks what the hell is wrong with you that you didn’t do anything. You stare even more silently at the floor.
I wish I could change that encounter.
