Eating people will not give you the nutrition you need


#1

Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2017/04/06/eating-people-will-not-give-yo.html


#2

Well, people would say that, wouldn’t they.


#3

Eating people will not give you the nutrition you need

Somebody better inform the Republicans.

[note sarcasm]


#4

I think this leaves out an important reason to eat people: nutrients over calories. People simply contain all the nutrients/vitamins/minerals you need to make people, guaranteed, with enough calories to make it work just fine as food. Using the Nat Geo article’s logic, a huge pile of Krispy Kremes is “more nutritious”, FFS -.-’ .

I’m also dubious about anyone, with what was already clearly known about the practice in relatively recent history, whom is surprised that social aspects generally go hand-in-hand with cannibalism. Yes, water is also wet, thanks. Has everyone forgotten sociology, en masse…?


#5


#6

And? It’s not about the feast. It’s about the hunt.

{thoughtful pause}

I’m on a list now, aren’t I?


#7

I think it’s probably just that people are so freakin’ delicious!


#8

Ok, but do do normal cannibals eat the ears first? If so, we know this is actually a deeply pagan act co-opted by an upstart monotheistic cult…


#9

“People: The other (other) white meat.”


#10

Yes you are.

We’ll give you five minutes head start. It’s only sporting and it’s not fun if we kill the prey without chasing it first.

I’d put an /s tag, but I’m not convinced that Dick Cheney wasn’t doing this when he shot that guy.


#11

People simply contain all the nutrients/vitamins/minerals you need to make people

At the same time, any pathogens present will be human as well.


#12

Certainly, but this article is about nutrition; I wasn’t recommending the practice. It’s still quite undeniable that people contain exactly what you need to make people, by definition.


#13

but on the plus side, you get any drugs in their bloodstream, and any recent meals in their belly…preprocessed! (plus any of their good microbiome…look for the ones with good teeth and hearty flatulance)


#14


#15


#16

That’s why just about every large predator eats the belly 1st, so they can get access to usually unavailable nutrients directly, instead of via meat.


#17

“Eating people will not give you the nutrition you need.”

I think the British Navy found that out.


#18

Gotta be louder. They can’t hear well when chewing.


#19

So what you’re saying is:

Go ahead. Eat the rich! … but only as accoutrements.


#20

Snacks. There’s not enough of 'em to go around.

They will, however, have excellent marbling. Think, “Kobe people”.