Facemask prevents store from ID'ing man who stole a 3-foot, 40-pound dildo in broad daylight

[Ratel]

@thomdunn

I’m not sure what the resell market is like for stolen giant dildos

Big assumption.

@thomdunn

The dildo, which is affectionately known as “The Moby,” as in Dick, for reasons that I suppose are rather obvious

Maybe.

[jasonjayr]

Isn’t there a scene in “A Clockwork Orange” involving an oversized dildo? Maybe he’s out for a bit of the ultra-violence … ?

[Bernel]

I know people can feel loneley during the pandemic, but as a solution this is ridiculous.

[generic_name]

[Surprise_Puma]

Someone has been using his quarantine time to really broaden his…I guess horizons?

[Robbo]

Even on a Dodge Caliber that would make one helluva hood ornament.

[anon73430903]

@James_Mason

Guy has white hair, looks older, not your usual dildo customer.

The Gay liberation movements started at least 50 years ago. Most of those young men and women in those photographs from the late 60s and early 70s will have white and grey hair now.

[deedub]

@Enkidu

The police will catch him soon enough if they just keep an eye on who checks into local emergency rooms.

Rectum? It nearly killed him!

[hecep]

I’m hoping the pricey dildo will be used somehow in an anti-Trump demonstration.

[RigelT]

I’m sure he will henceforth be a stand-up citizen.

[metacyclotron]

Cover that thing in mirrors like a disco ball and you got yourself a conversation piece to put on the mantle.

[aLynHall]

I was thinking it might be used in a makeshift altar to worship Trump. A bit of orange paint, a wig…

[hecep]

But the dildo is smarter!

[RickMycroft]

@thomdunn

I’m not sure what the resell market is like for stolen giant dildos,

Yeah, who would buy a hot dildo?

[Melizmatic]

[aLynHall]

At 1200 bucks in the store? I’m thinkin’ there’s a market.

[bobtato]

I used to know someone who worked in a dildo shoppe, where they had something this size on display. I don’t think they expected to ever sell it, it was more that when shoppers prodded it, the mesmerising slow oscillations would make them suggestible to marketing.

@James_Mason

Guy has white hair, looks older, not your usual dildo customer.

I’m… guessing you haven’t spent much time scrutinising gay fetish porn? Generally speaking, the bigger the butt plug, the more miles on the customer’s clock, for obvious but tastefully unexplored reasons.

[stephen_schenck]

He alleged crammed the faux phallus into a white sedan “similar to a Dodge Caliber” and made off.

And all just to ride in the HOV lane.

[Michele71]

He was the fire estinguisher guy in the first day of work and alas, got a bit confused after entering the sexy shop. I suppose it will return filled with fire quenching powder.

[alboalt]

Rectum? It nearly killed him!

That will never stop being funny.