I think we need to get some fake spoilers for Star Wars: The Force Awakens circulating just to make sure there’s enough misinformation out there to counteract the real spoilers which are sure to hit the scene shortly. I’ll start:
- Obi-Wan didn’t actually die during his confrontation with Vader. His empty robes fell to the ground because he undressed very quickly as a distraction before escaping naked into a shuttlecraft. Subsequent “Force Ghost” appearances were actually just teleconferences via R2-D2’s holo-projector.
- Kylo Ren has spent decades plotting revenge against the Skywalker family for the untimely death of his father, noted Tatooine musician Max Rebo.
- Yoda was actually only in his late 30s, he just didn’t take very good care of himself.
- C3-P0’s arm isn’t red now because it was a replacement part, it’s just stained with the blood of his enemies.
- Garindan is now recognized as the foremost bounty hunter in the galaxy. He earned this title because unlike Boba Fett, he was able to rat out the location of the Millenium Falcon to Imperial Forces without getting knocked into the Sarlaac pit like a punk shortly afterward.
- Chewie is actually quite crunchy.