Interesting. The child of a career American military officer, I was taught from an early age never to accept how things appeared on the surface, only to respect authority I could question.
It was never alive.
Yes, you’re using the word patriotism in the modern perverted sense as a synonym for jingoism and nationalism. You aren’t alone in this, and in fact most Americans also don’t understand what patriotism is. Normally that would be fine, a natural evolution of words shifting meaning over time. But actual patriotism is in fact really important. It doesn’t have to be called patriotism, but the underlying ethic is worth preserving.
“No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend’s or of thine own were: any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee.” ~ For Whom the Bell Tolls by John Donne
In the original sense, patriotism is love of country, not nation. It is loyalty to one’s compatriots, not a government. It does not preclude being a good citizen of the world because it isn’t about the other, it’s about being a good part of your communities. A wise person recognizes that conflict and war, whether at home or within the scope of wider communities up to and including the entire world, are corrosive to the community at every level.
Democracy and freedom existed long before the United States of America and they will exist long after. The USA is great insofar as it upholds them, and so we must to preserve our liberty. Those that would give up on them do no favors for anyone, least of all themselves.
There is certainly no shortage of people who mistake nationalism for patriotism, or who propagate jingoism under the banner of patriotism. Jingoism is a dangerous thing, as are people who cannot distinguish between jingoism and patriotism or between the republic, its symbols and its government.
Uncritical approval is insidious. If you never criticize the flaws in something, you do it a grievous disservice. A parent who never admonishes ill prepares their children for life. A teacher who only gives praise is a poor mentor. A citizen who finds no fault in the body politic is no patriot, but an unprincipled sycophant.
So long as you endeavor to make your country a better place for you and your neighbors, you are a patriot. Affinity for one’s own republic does not equal belligerence towards others. Life is not a zero sum game despite what many politicians and religious leaders would like you to believe. Not only do you not have to choose between affinity for your homeland and humanity, the choice itself is a false dichotomy. In the long run – and usually in the short run – what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Groupthink is not patriotism; it is politics.
In a boarder sense a patriot must be a human patriot as well. The best way to make the world a better place is by striving to make your own republic a better citizen of the world. The ideals enshrined in the U.S. Constitution are not unique to America, they transcend any one nation. Those principles are not exclusively American; they are in fact human principles. That fact offers great hope. Democracy and freedom are valued by peoples everywhere. Liberty is a universal concern.
Loathsome are the politicians and pundits criticizing each other for not wearing flag pins on the campaign trail. Their efforts to worship a symbol instead of attending to what it stands for are despicable.
The American flag is a symbol representing a republic based on a constitution enshrining principles, nothing more and nothing less. Cling to those principles because they are the best hope our nation has for the future. Fly the flag only if you do so because of what it stands for, not because of blind pride. The flag is a symbol of the constitution. The idea of destroying the constitution to protect that symbol is nothing less than traitorous.
Ultimately, the more emotional an idea, the lest it can be trusted. Patriotic feeling is treacherous.