Originally published at: Florida man drowns searching for golf ball | Boing Boing
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Its Florida, most of those water hazards have alligators, feral constrictor snakes, angry manatees and wayward chupacabras. Leave the golf ball.
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Florida man drowns searching for golf ball
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“If you lose your golf ball in a pond or lake, just let it go, because, man, it’s gone.”
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I am imagining that it went down like this:
“Hunter had a 12-gauge shotgun in his golf bag and we had Heinekens in a cooler on the cart—also a fifth of Chivas, a fifth of Jose Cuervo, limes, a fifth of Dewar’s, and an extra cooler of ice.
“‘Here,’ Hunter said, holding out three white tabs of blotter paper with an unfamiliar red symbol on them. ‘Eat these.’”
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It was like watching the lottery balls come through the tube:
“…Florida Man”
“…Golfing”
“…Drowned”
“…74 years old”
come on, come on
“…someone who’s not Donald Trump”
Damn! [throws ticket on floor]
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Darn. I was really excited till I saw the man’s name. Poor guy.
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If I’m in florida, and I see water that isn’t glassy clear, I’m not getting within 10 feet of it voluntarily.
And even 10 feet is within an alligator’s charging distance.
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Does the definition of “Florida Man” include Northern retirees and snowbirds?
Not that he necessarily was, but that’s my first guess when I read 74-years old and golf.
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Did they find the ball?
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I’m also avoiding nature walks in the Everglades. Especially now that I know there are hundreds of feral monkeys dwelling there.
Those guys will steal your wallet and phone
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I’ll probably die doing something I hate, like cleaning the gutters or mowing the lawn.
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Good idea to avoid monkey walks.
Herpes B from monkeys has an up to 80% mortality rate in humans.
Do not deal with feral monkeys!
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bummer
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Can’t we ever have headlines that start with “Florida man…” but then end with something uplifting? Like maybe, “Florida man jacked up on bath salts wins lottery after rescuing puppy from imagined Chupacabra?”
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This isn’t an episode of The Good Place.
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Actually it was quite common back in the day for kids to wade into the ponds and collect dozens of the newest, most expensive golf balls and sell them used to other golfers for pocket money.
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I used to do that when I was a kid, but I had a proper stick apparatus to grab the balls from the water without actually having to go into the water.
Edit: Looked kind of like this.
Further Edit: Just search for “Golf Ball Fetcher” or something similar on Google and you’ll find what you’re looking for. You kind of have to do it on the downlow, because a lot of golf clubs do not appreciate people doing that (I think they made an exception because I was a kid).
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Oh man, I would love to see that. Snatchelator passion is kicking into overdrive …
Edit: thank you kind traveler for the pic
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