I’m not saying it’s aliens, but … it’s aliens
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They time traveled back to trumps 18th birthday and used a dilithium powered brainscrambler (the intergalactic federation has strict policy aganst scrambling minors brains) some of the known side effects are to turn skin orange, hyper activate the neural conection between the oblongata and the mouth , and shrink all of the outmost apendages.
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The only explanation is he thinks it makes him look better than Obama.
To the aliens.
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WTF is happening here? What drives someone like this to make these kinds of obviously insane claims? Is he completely nuts? Is he a cynical opportunist taking advantage of the credulous to sell his book? I can think of some bizarre claims by former employees of the US government, but it would eventually come out that their claims were based entirely on faith, not based on anything they actually had first hand knowledge of, and they were all quite low-level employees. I wonder if this is a similar situation - that he’s convinced himself of something crazy, despite having no evidence, and his former positions have lent him a credibility that he’s too far gone to worry about burning.
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Oh dear sweet baby Cthulhu, I have heard that one more in the last few years than when it came out.
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Trump was gonna reveal everything, but Biden stole the vote.
What happened next in my book will take your breath away…
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Okay, funny. Thanks.
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Well, this dovetails nicely and explains their reluctance.
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When I was in grade school, we had teachers who were sincerely impressed by the books Morning of the Magicians (Le Matin des Magiciens; I went to school in the French Lycée system) and Chariots of the Gods. Even as a smart alecky 13 year old I knew this was all a big basket of horseshit, and I pitied the teachers. We even had another teacher who ascribed all the rain we were having to having “messed around” with the Moon.
Oy vey. The derp is spreading.
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I for one don’t care to be a member of any Galactic Federation whose standards are low enough to accept Earth.
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Those monoliths are just Vogon survey markers. It’s not like you can just show up with a fully crewed destructor fleet and “shoot from the hip”. That’s messy and wasteful. No, there’s planning and logistics involved to ensure the Galactic Federation spends its taxpayer’s space dollars wisely.
And remember, we must all work together to Make Andromeda Great Again! Hail Xenu!
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Aliens use Bitcoin?
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That’s where the child slave camps are! Now it all makes sense!! 
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If you had real proof of aliens and you wanted people to believe you, you would not release a book.
So either:
- he has no proof
- he doesn’t want people to believe him
Unfortunately, the most likely option (#1) is the most prosaic, but #2 intrigues me and I hope the aliens have compensated him well for his duplicity.
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This is a pretty fun take on the news
It starts with the byline …
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