How and Why God Made Various Animals

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Nice lions. World’s first gay parenting?

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Hate? No, this is gentle mockery.

“Hate” looks more like someone being ostracised by their community, having their children stolen, and then being beaten to death because their innate sexuality doesn’t fit into arbitrary, archaic limits.

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I love this image, it teaches so much about tolerance and reproduction

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[making kiwi birds]
sips 5th martini
How bout a hairy grape on a cocktail toothpick?

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[god creating lampreys]

(runs into the animal lab in a bathrobe) guys guys guys you ever have that dream where a floating penis covered with teeth on one end chews its way into your body?!

Angels: Uh… no?

God: Me… me neither.

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Makes a good lesson on the folly of assuming male as default, too.

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God: So, remember that earth-pig thing?

Angel: You mean the Aardvark?

God: Yeah, that one. What if I made it weirder?

Angel: Are you shitting me?

God: Pass me a pinecone…

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You sir, win the internet for me today. :joy:

But it has to do with all the animals.

I remember that video - and I remember running up to a lunch aide and saying “I’m an aardvark!!!” Coulda been 6. Coulda been 13. No clue.

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God creating deer: “I want something big for humans to hit with their cars in 4 billion years”

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This collection of tweets is one of my favorite things to ever happen.

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[creating armadillos]

God: Hey remember glyptodons? Oh me those were huge fun.

Angel: Pfff! Emphasis on “huge” alright. Thinking of another go at it?

God: Make some more but smaller, like concertinas, k?

Angel: K…

God: And give them all leprosy. And Chagas.

Angel: Sick!

God: Srsly people r gonna eat 'em and make purses out of 'em… oh and musical instruments. This is totally gonna work.

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God: also, I want some with extra hair and screaming.

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I actually mentioned pangolins to someone today who had no idea what I was talking about.

I described them looking kind of like armadillos, but with armor that makes them look like an artichoke. Also when they’re walking they look kind of like little theropod dinosaurs,since they walk upright.

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God: Why do we have all these extra parts lying around? This pile of pockets and pouches! Do something—it’s nearly lunchtime.

Angel: Did you have something particular in mind?

God: You’re overthinking this. I’ll use them all up right now. Clutter just builds up around here, I don’t know. Thank me we used up the corpus collosums last week or there’d be no place left to work right now.

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I often think of the cherimoya (fruit) for some reason, whenever I think of pangolins.

Pangolins are pretty cool. And endangered, from what I hear.

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Makes sense. Individual scaly plates that overlap just a bit.

[creating pufferfish]

God: I want a porcupine that swims.

Angel: K.

God: And it should be inflatable.

Angel: K…

God: And really really tasty. Super tasty.

Angel: And… toxic.

God. And toxic, yep! Hey how’d you know?

Angel: Take a wild guess.

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