[creating Mexican redknee tarantulas]
God: Tie-dye chipmunk with 8 legs.
Angel: And… toxic, right?
God: Hey why do you think I’m going to say toxic?
Angel: …
God: … a little toxic.
Angel: Ok. Done.
God: Oh and it has to have 8 eyes. And taste like shrimp.
God: So, what is my most fucked up thing so far?
Angel: They are all pretty bad, but I think I’d have to go with slugs…
God: Yeah, what if they were a LOT bigger and lived in the water?
Angel: That doesn’t seem so bad…
God: Oh I’m not done, what if I made a fish that lived in their buttholes?
Angel: For fuck sake…
God: Right. We’re doing good things with Australia.
Angel: Well, they’ve got deadly spiders, deadly snakes, deadly sharks, deadly snails, deadly octopuses, deadly jellyfish, deadly invisible jellyfish, giant deadly birds, deadly marsupials and huge deadly lizards.
God: So, take a rock. Make it live on the bottom of the sea, just where people walk.
Angel: Stubbed toes?
God: Good point. Cover the fucker in spikes. But make it still look like a rock. I mean identical. Every detail.
Angel: OK. But…can we… maybe… not make this one deadly for a change?
God: Weeell… OK. Just for all the hard work you’ve been putting in, this one won’t be completely deadly.
Angel: Wow! Thanks God! That’s brilliant! You really are merciful and great!
God: I know, I know. Just make the venom so painful people will want to cut their limbs off instead.
Obligatory:
Sample:
The Brief: I want you to draw a dragon eating a girl.
The Negotiation: How about if they’re actually friends?
The Critique: No, he has to have that girl is his mouth. He’s not supposed to be a nice dragon. He’s supposed to be a bad dragon. I want to see that girl’s head pointing out of that dragon.
Job Status: Rejected
Additional Comments: He has to be biting and squishing it.
Angels: Hey God? We’ve got these echidnas and platypus over here ready to go, except for their, er, anuses and such. You didn’t finish that part.
God: Oh cripes. We’ve had a run on butts. I think… [rummages in a box]… yeah, we’re all out of vaginas.
Angels: Well these things need to go out the door yesterday.
God: Screw it, they’re going to Australia anyway, they can use their assholes as vaginas. I’m going on break.
Noooo… surely that’s not legit, right?
ETA:
Never mind.
It’s not far off. Echidnas and platypus are monotremes. They only have a cloaca, which is used for everything.
I found out, much to my dismay.
That’s not the only fun fact about echidnas.
[god creates goats]
God: Hey, check out this ruminant I made.
Angel: Huh. Neat!
God: Yeah, I figure I’ll put these high up in the mountains.
Angel: But there’s not much to eat up there.
God: That’s not going to be a problem for this one.
There’s also (NSFW):
[god creates the mockingbird]
God: I’ve created the most adaptive version of the songbird yet!
Angel: Woo! Alright, let’s hear it.
God: Okay, so this one can lay eggs in other birds’ nests.
Angel: Um, okay…
God: And force those birds to raise their chicks.
Angel: Okay, that’s just mea—
God: Oh, and they can steal other birds’ songs.
Angel: So, basically, the asshole of songbirds.
God: Pretty much, yeah.
I love Ze Frank. That guy is howl-arious.
NSFW:
(Making caecilian)
G:
You know what would be really great?
A:
What now?
G:
What if we took a snake and combined it with a frog, and then made it look exactly like a dick? Wouldn’t that be awesome???
A:
Okay… now you’re just trolling, right?
God : I’ve got one! Dragonflies!
Angel : Moratorium on dragons, remember? The incident?
God : Right! Umm… I knew that
[wanders off]
[hours later]
God : But they’re flies!
Angel : You used up all the slots for flies.
God : They’re …
Angel : …and beetles.
God : … some other… flying bug?
Angel : You sure they’re not flies? Are their babies little squirmy things that mostly live inside other things, often non-consensually?
God : No! They’re…umm. They can swim!
Angel : Do they have legs this time?
God : Yes! And … an arm that teleports things to their mouths.
Angel : You nixed teleportation when we explained the extra ‘murder the original’ step.
God : Scope! Telescoping arm! A big one!
Angel : sigh Fine. We can make this work.
God : And it’s powered by their anus!
Angel : You hate me, don’t you?
Someone needs to move this thread before before this one gets closed. This hilariousness can’t stop.
The actual word for panda in Chinese is “Da Xiong Mao” literaly “Big Bear Cat.” /pedant
