How to deal with douchebag parking

Douchecanoes, is that sort of like douche-kayaks?
Oh, I get it, douche + volcanoes! :smile:

I used to work with a guy (good driver/parker, but bad temper) who kept a baseball bat in his car to deal with the cars of people who parked so closely he had to use his hatch.


Is Steve Jobs back?


Of course the Benz owner could have parked flush in a single spot. The D-bag routine is because these “types” of drivers will intentionally block 2 or even diagonally across 4 parking spaces because they don’t want any other peon close enough to their vehicle to cause a door ding etc.

The truck did the right thing. What is missing is a 2nd truck parked equally as close on the other side - it’s a nice public & overt “F-you!” to the selfish parker.


OR, you could just contact the proper authorities to have the vehicle properly dealt with authoritatively. You people never heard of 911?


Don’t be using 911 for that yo.


FIrst, Never black out the license plate of a duchebag. Second you park as close to the door as possible inches so its impossible to get in on that side… Then you point your dashcam at the car so if they do something to yours they are on tape and you can have them charged with leaving the scene of an accident.


Oh shit. I’m going to have to start pronouncing it like that.


I say go with the passive-aggressive route…


But what exactly has been achieved here?

I don’t see how the benz straddling the line could have possibly been the result of someone else taking up two spaces. If someone was occupying the other half of the spot the benz is currently taking half of, the benz could have parked in the curb spot.

The truck, however, could have parked closer to the driver’s side of the benz. If the asshole can still get in his car, you’re doing it wrong.


If that XKCD link hadn’t already been posted, I was going to do it. As it is, all I can say is BRAVO!

Sometimes, in places like Calgary, this happens when there’s a dusting of snow overnight, and people start parking early in the morning before the snow melts and they can’t see the lines. The end stall will stay partially empty until the eventual truck driver just parks on the curb.


A lot of hatchbacks can’t be opened from the inside without disassembling something to find the “hostage escape lever”

That’s why I insist on a moonroof.


Nope. That car has a license plate.


While I am offended by idiots who park like the driver of the Benz, I’m pretty sure that calling 911 about a parking violation would cause me far more trouble than the offending driver.


Man, you delfated my vigilante streak with reason. I’m not sure if I like it.

Someone pooped in that bowl of reason already, with observation. Benz couldnaha beena result of some other shitbags scheme, proximity o’left curb.

So you can pump up that deflated vigilante zeal now!

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Alternate ending:

So, Benz driver comes back, gets annoyed that he can’t get in on the driver’s side, enters via passenger side, and–on the way out of the parking lot–calls whichever towing company is undoubtedly listed prominently on a sign in the parking lot to deter non-customer parking about a truck illegally parked. If the towing company bothers to call anybody at building to which the parking lot is attached (spoiler: towing companies don’t bother with niceties like that), that person looks out the window and sees a pickup truck apparently parked by Rob Ford halfway up on the grass. “Yup, looks like an illegal parking job to me.”

Benz driver is inconvenienced by having to climb in through the passenger side; truck driver has to call a friend to drive him to the impound lot and pay $150 to liberate his truck.

[[EDIT: Meant to reply to OP, not Funkdaddy. Sorry; first day on the Internet.]]


You know, we are supposed to be in a society of rules. We have established ways of dealing with this sort of thing.

  1. Spike the tires. Caltrops are easy to improvise, or should be judging from how all you folks do go on with your daily carry posts.

  2. Jam the locks. I like Gorilla glue thick formula.

  3. Torque the wipers, or better still expose metal to glass on one of the blades.

  4. If it happens to be a convertible put ammonium sulfide capsule under the floor mats.

Keying is a last resort, and not even useful a lot of the time. Twats drive shitty cars too.


I take your douchebaggery and I raise you a douche - parking on the curb FTW!!!