Originally published at: How to survive an ostrich attack | Boing Boing
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How to survive an ostrich attack
Lived just down the road in Sonoma Ca. from an ostrich farm, when they got out, you ran for cover, they can kick a door off a pickup, saw it while on the safe side of an 8 foot fence. But the meat, a red meat, is delish…
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As a more generic guide, this would probably also work for Cassowary (AKA the world’s most dangerous bird) and Emu attacks.
I am just grateful they don’t hunt in packs like the velociraptors in the Jurassic Park movies (as far as I know) because if you get rid of the feathers, you know exactly what these birds would look like.
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Can a cassowary kill you?
Cassowaries are very wary of humans, but if provoked they are capable of inflicting serious, even fatal, injuries to both dogs and people.
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How to survive an ostrich attack …
I dunno, have a flying saucer ??
(maybe)
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Or be a pterodactyl
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So, this won’t help?
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I hope they also go over how to properly dress an ostrich carcass once you take it out with your stick. Don’t want to waste a chance for a delicious ostrich burger.
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It’s too bad grizzly man isn’t around, he’d have some sage advice.
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Is it wrong that I’m LOLing to the description of sidearm technique in an ostrich fight to the death?! 
Top ten @Papasan post?! LOL! hahaha
TBH… that does sound delicious! I do love eatin’ me some avian dinosaur, not gunnuh lie…
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But you repeat yourself.
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All avians relate to dinosaurs but not all dinosaurs were avian.
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a friend of ours owned some ostrich for years. i always found them terrifying, but he knew them well enough that he’d go in the pen sometimes, but NEVER during mating season (when the males were aggressive) or when there were eggs (because the females were fiercely protective). he ended up making a robot that he could remote control drive into their pen to scoop up the eggs. that being said, the eggs are HUGE – i think they hold about 2 dozen chicken eggs worth of egg – and they are pretty tasty. much richer and creamier than chicken eggs. also, you do NOT want to see an ostrich penis. it’s a horror show.
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Yes, but precisely how many non-avian dinosaurs do you think you’ll encounter going about their business?
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Yah. They seem to be as rare as Sasquatch these days. But with the discovery of the ability to resuscitate 100 million year old oceanic bacteria I have high hopes. Of turning up a Sasquatch.
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I never thought of ostriches as particularly dangerous
Ostriches are very dangerous. The kind of dangerous that can quickly get you killed in a couple of kicks. It’s also good to assume that any wild animal, no matter how cute and cuddly looking does not want human interaction.
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I asked a park ranger what animal produced the most surprising injuries for tourists. Bears are obvious, and I knew not to get close to deer. He replied “People often forget that chipmunks can crack nuts with their teeth, and that nuts break about as easily as finger bones.”
(edit: nuts are hard, typed it backwards)
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“…until it quits and runs away.” Or disembowels you, whichever comes first.
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My parents instilled in me at an early age that you do not touch wild animals! If they’re not moving around it may mean that they are injured and can bite, or may be diseased. We lived in a rural area when I was small, and the family cottage is in a remote area. The result is that I have a real aversion to touching anything that is not domesticated; I had to force myself to pick up an orphaned baby squirrel a few years ago, so that I could take it to a rescue centre. As an aside, if the baby squirrel is approaching people, or has fleas (the mothers keep them clear of fleas), then they are most likely orphaned, and you should contact a wildlife centre for advice.
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