I found a locked safe hidden at the back of a closet in my new house


Just shopping around.


Affordability? Angie’s List rating? Firepower? Discretion?

Tooth-to-tattoo ratio?


Surest way of picking a good locksmith is by nickname.
If no-one actually knows their real name and their nickname is incredibly bland, such as “The Gent” or “Mme. Brown” then you’ve got a top-quality professional.


I’m partial to “Smitty,” myself.


Well, yeah. That goes without saying. But you’d need an introduction from Fingers, first. Has @beschizza got the connections?


I’ve heard that AAA Locksmith guy is pretty good, maybe only second to AAAA Locksmith.

Overly/Insufficiently Imaginative Fictitious Business Names

I hear _AAA Locksmith is better than AAAA…


Right, I want to save the safe – it’s vintage! Any old joe could just come along with a thermal lance or whatever and rip it open. What if there are rare butterflies inside?



Perhaps it’s Schrodinger’s Safe and the Butterflies are simultaneously Alive and causing Hurricanes AND Dead on the grill of my truck.

Be somewhere safe when the waveform collapses


There isn’t really a safe is there, Rob?

It’s just a photo. You probably grabbed a random photo of a safe off the Internet.

You’ve just been messing with us all along, haven’t you, trying to see what kind of fools we are to fall for the siren song again.

Today the charade ends! We stand up and say, “We do not believe in your phony safe!

But you’ll tell us if you do get it open, right?


Well, if any Boinger was going to punk us, it would be Tony Clifton Rob… :smiley:


What if the safe itself is a rare butterfly? It could be DB Coopers personal safe! Or hand crafted by a Sasquatch! Or one of those Harry Potter McGuffins that you need to find to defeat evil! What about the evil!?

Least ways even if its not empty the safe stands a good chance of being more valuable than whatever’s inside. Even should it contain objects of arcane power. Black magic doesn’t hold resale value, too many curses and provisos.



The view count for this thread is probably more valuable than the contents of the safe. Why ruin a good thing by opening it? Once Sam and Diane finally get together, the tension is over…


There are no ads in BBS land. Unless people are navigating here via the original article there’s no additional revenue from action here VS views on the original page. Which is a weird aspect of the shift from in article comments to discussion board I never considered till now.

But that of course assumes “value” in purely monetary terms. If the contents are swirling with dark power the benefits to opening it are nearly immeasurable.


The thief was Foussard.


…cat burglar…

Suggesting a third alternative to Schrödinger’s paradox.



My mama told me it was shopped.