I found a locked safe hidden at the back of a closet in my new house

SAFE PICTS!!

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I am Rob’s Locked Safe.

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I am Rob’s Security Technician

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Pictured: Schizzle P. Dizzle, a self-described "security technician", pauses briefly before returning to his "real job".
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I waited a good 5 minutes for your post to load before I finally scrolled and gave myself a serious eye-roll.

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For the job of safe technician I nominate that guy.

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Yeah, he looks just sleazy enough to get the job done and with no questions asked.

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Just give him some cocaine and a Tab soda and he’s set.

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Maybe cure his boneitis.

not sure if thats the correct spelling of boneitis.

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It is. Probably is hyphened but whatevs.

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“Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.”
“He opens the safe?”
“Don’t be fatuous, Jeffrey.”

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Rob…

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New day, new theory:

Remember the one-dollar bet between the Duke brothers in Trading Places? Rob and Mark have a $1 bet on whether Rob can keep the turkeys in suspense for an entire year (decade?).

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