JD Vance is not a couch f*cker

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Does this smack of kink shaming?
Just sayin’.

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perhaps it was a ribbed glove.

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It was a credible accusation, given that the guy gives off creepy Ted Cruz vibes while also posessing the steadfast never-trump convictions of Lindsey Graham. And he’s likely going to be spending time on the couch soon if he follows Ted’s lead in standing up to the racist criticism his wife is getting.

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“Make the Sonofabitch deny it”

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Let’s ask an expert.

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I’ll just say “Ha-ha”, Nelson-Muntz-style.

Because spreading bullshit viral stories is one of the foundations of MAGA.

What comes around. . . .

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Do not care.

“When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.”

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It’s defending against vile non consensual furniture abuse. Probably wasn’t his couch.

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DO. IT.

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We’ve got one of our own, like that, over here. Another right-wing bench-fucker.

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Disclaimer. He probably did not fuck the bench. He’s a catholic and does not believe in sex outside marriage, and even that he probably deems a sin, though he’s done it often enough, given how many kids he has.

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Remember the gorilla channel?

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If you have to tell people you’re NOT a couch fucker, you got more problems than couch fucking going on.

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I totally missed that one, overwhelmed as I was by the real absurdities coming out of the Trump administration…

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Sounds like perfectly normal hetero-sectional behavior to me.

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He was La-Z-Bicurious as a young man, but since getting the vice-presidential nomination he has assured us that he’s off his rocker permanently.

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JD Vance is not a couch f*cker. He is more of an otto-man

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Yeah, it does, actually. If this story had been included in this book, and therefore supposedly true, I still wouldn’t see why anyone should care at all. That would just be masturbation, even if a slightly unusual variation thereof. It’s not like he’s being nominated for Surgeon General or anything like that.

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Headline is incorrect. Facts not in evidence. What has been proven is that he did not write about having intimate relations with a couch. Doesn’t mean he didn’t.

I’d still like to hear the couch’s side of the story.

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Honestly, this is believable to almost any adolescent who has wondered how to pleasure one’s self in any way possible.

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