Megachurch Pastor Hope Carpenter: 'I cut people. I got a knife right in that pocketbook.'

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/04/02/megachurch-pastor-hope-carpent.html

“I cut people. I got a knife right in that pocketbook,” Carpenter said, gesturing toward her seat.

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So the lord sayeth;

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Prosperity gospel is a cancer, and ought to be illegal as it’s essentially fraud.

Although as I see it pretty much all religion is fraud. It’s just prosperity gospel is a particularly egregious and obvious example.

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I have bad news for you about the Bible

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I cut people too.
I’m a people, right?

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Circumcision comes to mind. Not just “I cut people” but “everyone absolutely has to be cut”

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Grifter gonna grift. Blowhards gonna blow. Idle threats from a idolater.

Of course mobilizing her congregation marks against the free press could have less empty barks.

It’ll be interesting, if the owners of the Greenville News sue her, to see whether the courts decide her threats are material.

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Somebody is going to get a lawyer letter…

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The apparent threat toward the Greenville News, a daily newspaper, comes after the outlet published several stories casting a negative light on the Grays.

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It’s right there in the scriptures, the favorite passage of 2nd Amendment fundamentalists everywhere:

Then said He unto them, But now, he that hath a purse, let him take it, and likewise his scrip: and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one.
– Luke 22:36

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Did you know that General Butt Naked is now the President of the End Time Train Evangelistic Ministries Inc.?

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For instance, Jesus’ disciple Peter went full-on Reservoir Dogs and cut Malchus’ ear off in the Garden of Gethsemane.

“Well, I don’t know why I came here tonight.” -Malchus, probably

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sigh. oblig.

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I don’t recall anything in the Bible about ‘I cut people,’

GOD: Kill your son.

Abraham: Umm… Okay…

GOD: LOL! Just kidding!

Abraham: phew

GOD: I’m probably going to have my own son killed tho

Abraham: What?

GOD: What?

[source unknown]

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te13nor

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image image

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Q0GXJ

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Get into Gods Word to see what He says about you!

Well, I have some sense of what he’s likely say about her, e.g.
Christ: “What an asshole!”

I do like their balls in claiming that, despite having income only from the church, that the car wasn’t paid for with “church money”; the car’s pricetag, moreover, being almost exactly what they needed to raise for “repairing the roof.” While living in a new mansion paid for by the church. I mean, even if the money raised was actually used on the roof, the car money was still ultimately money that came from the church and could have been used for it.

Reading the teachings of Jesus and thinking, “Yeah, becoming a minister is all about making money,” is fully in line with unironically talking about knifing people.

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