Melted gummy bears dramatically fail to spice up sex life

Originally published at: Melted gummy bears dramatically fail to spice up sex life | Boing Boing

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Yikes! I just hope the safe word wasn’t “gummy bears”.

“Gummy bears!”

“Yes, I know, they’re gummy bears.”

“Gummy bears! Gummy bears!”

“Ok! OK! Here are more gummy bears!”

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DIY glycerin-based lube?

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Napalm with cute fuzzy ears. What could go wrong?

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Eww, did they find the giant gummy bear between couch cushions?

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Can people really be this clueless?

Yup.

Should I even doubt it?

Nope.

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Honey, look what I found in the couch! Date night theme, :white_check_mark:

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Obviously neither of them has made candy with melted sugar… or even tried to eat a danish that’s been in the toaster oven too long.

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Napalm indeed. I saw this some years back on YouTube, featured as part of a TV series on doing It wrong. Thankfully, I think, I don’t remember the name of the series.

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I got nothing!

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gummy-bear_1

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Things have already gone wrong before this sentence.

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Can confirm; hot, melted sugar is basically homemade napalm. The scar has faded to be almost unnoticeable, and I’ve since regained use of my thumb.

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Not quite on a par with Chuck Palahniuk’s “Snuff”, but getting there.

i came to mention that. i’ve made candy ranging from marshmallows (235 degrees) to brittle (295) to actual hard candy lozenges (320). depending on the brand of candy they were using the melting point runs as high as 360. she poured a molten branding iron on her chest. bless her heart.

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That’s so familiar… Howard the Duck?

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Same year, different movie.

ben-stein

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Well, sex was fun while it lasted, but I don’t think I’m going to be having it anymore after reading that. Nope. The “skin started to peel off” just cured me of all sexual desire forever.

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I’m reminded that most of the candy makers I know (and I know a few) refer to melted sugar as napalm.