Nutella riots spread in France


Originally published at:


Get yur hand off my Nutella, you damn, dirty apes!


Let them eat Nocciolata.


I was just reading Michael Pollan’s “Food Rules”, which was talking about how the French are so fit and healthy despite a diet of rich, fatty foods because they treat food differently than Americans, eating smaller portions, not having seconds, and having long, leisurely meals with family and friends that are more about socializing than fueling themselves. So civilized!

Or, you know, I guess they could be fit from beating up old ladies to get discounted chocolate spread?


Perhaps we should implement some sort of fight-for-your-food system here.



Yes, I realize this is my answer for a lot of problems, but I am not wrong!

Also, it’s only like $6 a bottle in the US. Even at half off, I can’t see violence over $3-4 bucks!


Police were reportedly called as fights broke out among swarming customers grabbing 950g jars of Nutella reduced from €4.50 to €1.41, a 70% discount.

(~32oz) That’s not a food stuff, that’s a murder weapon!


That may be the only exercise most Americans would get. So, I for one endorse this madness.


Nutella riots spread in France

Nutella is spreadable, so…


If they are the sort of soft plastic jars they sell here I doubt it. The inside is a liquid so it would crumple and diffuse the impact. Basically the jar is going to give much easier than the skull is.

Now if they are selling in glass jars, we may have another story.


It’s so early to hit peak 2018, but alas here we are.


And the Nutella design AI watches with glee:


Nutella’s a liquid? I don’t actually eat the stuff, but it looks like it has the consistency of marmite or library paste.


“Attention shoppers. There has been too much violence. Too much pain. But I have an honorable compromise. Just walk away. Give me your Nutella, and I’ll spare your lives. Just walk away and we’ll give you a safe passageway to the Costco. Just walk away and there will be an end to the horror.”

And fun fact, Lord Humungus’s revolver is a S&W 29 in .44 magnum.


And all this after they changed the recipe too! More skim milk, more sugar, less cacao…


Not the jars, the contents!

I can’t imagine downing almost a litre of that stuff in a decade, and if was for large families, that just makes it worse: a whole brood of hyper-kinetic kids launched in a sugar death blossom.


I recall this, from what i understand it’s not totally difficult to make your own Nutella-style recipe. A friend made some last year and said it turned out great.


The band one listens to while eating Nutella.


Well, it’s an extremely viscous liquid. It’s basically the consistency of peanut butter. A google search tells me maybe it’s neither liquid nor solid, but the gel inbetween.


Mmmmmm non-Newtonian nut spread.