Passive Aggressive Notes' best of 2013

boing
21

About twenty years ago, my brother used to live in Tacoma, on the top floor of a quiet, peaceful four-floor, sixteen-apartment walkup. He had a completely sweet pitbull who was the joy of the building, beloved by all the other tenants.

There were no problems until a derangededly-devout couple moved in, who took it upon themselves to purify the entire building - Things like calling the cops if a tenant parked the wrong way in front and left their motor running while running in to grab something, or leaving similar judgmental notes concerning modes of dress, personal beliefs or color of garbage cans (!) or, worst of all - My brother having a pit bull, which EVERY DECENT CHRISTIAN knew was a murderous beast owned only by drug dealers and serial killers. They called the cops at least five times bitching about the dog, demanding that he be put down merely for existing, which the cops refused to do.
The other tenants got fed up pretty quick and started badgering the landlord to evict the couple - Who, it turned out was the brother of the jeebus-freak wife, and was completely cowed by her and her husband, and wouldn’t lift a finger against them.

After a few months of this, several of the other tenants began discussing what they could do - And my brother suggested that if they could put up with something much, much worse for a few weeks, he could get them to leave. He offered details, and the other tenants agreed.

Starting next week, around 3:00 a.m., my brother would throw a metal garbage can or a bowling ball down the central stairwell, with the pit bull on them every inch of the way, howling and screaming, clawing at them all the way to the lobby - And, almost as quickly, retrieved and calmed down before the cops arrived, responding to the jesus-freaks’ panicky 911 calls - And the rest of the tenants, when “roused” insisting to the cops “Nope - WE didn’t hear anything. Quiet as a tomb ‘round here, except for those two lyin’-ass trouble-making freaks”, pointing to the furious bibble-pounders.
After a few weeks, the cops stopped responding to their calls, the nightly rackets continued, and one day the religious lunatics were just - gone. Disappeared, without so much as a "god bless’. What rude people they were.

16 Likes
22

That’s a creative way of dealing with the problem!

Stuff like this is why I tend to let minor annoyances go rather than make a big deal out of everything. Really, most things that I find annoying aren’t so bad if you stop and think about it for a minute. Certainly not worth calling the cops over.

23

Buy your brother a round of whatever he likes on me. What an awesome solution!

24

I would appreciate it if all passive aggressive notes use the phrase “I would appreciate it if…”.

FIFY.

2 Likes
25

I used to send Christmas cards to our local family of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

2 Likes
26

Rhubarb grows in stalks (like celery) so when you pull an individual stalk out, you actually help promote growth for more. You twist the stalk out (pulling close to the base) this invigorates the main roots of the plant to produce more. Cutting off (or even leaving broken bits) can lead to infection. To promote continued yearly growth its recommend to not harvest all of the plant in a season.

2 Likes
27

Well now you went and made your mother cry. I hope you’re happy! Are you happy?

28

My bet would be that the 'godless" neighbors were simply an openly gay couple.

A less-likely, but still-possible side bet would be that the offended parents molest, beat and deny medical care to their little angel, and they sure don’t need no nosy gubmint-byoo-ro-crat to come snooping around, noticing things thet ain’t nunna their bidness - So, they’d appreciate it kindly if you two godless scum don’t tell the cops about this little note.

1 Like
29

I’m SO happy!

30

Well, that’s one possible guess, but it could have been any NUMBER of other things (though thinking about it, how can you “tone down” being gay?).

31

According to bibble-thumpers:

“Ways To Tone Down Being Gay”:

Gays should pray more.

They should kill themselves. They’re not going to heaven anyway.

Become a big macho Hollywood action star.

Become a big macho republican / tea party political star.

Become a television evangelist.

Do not see, speak, associate with, show affection towards or otherwise tolerate other gay people, who should all voluntarily go underground or be shipped off to an island somewhere.

Just go away.

1 Like
32

Probably drinking beer in the backyard. Perhaps foul language was used. That’s what atheists are like.

33

Yeah, it sounds like that guy was probably unhealthily obsessive about everything, including religion. Apartment living is really for the easy going. Harass me on the street, religious people, not at home.

34

Well, based on the note asking them to only tone down the godlessness when the kid is around, not many of those proposed solutions are really feasible. :slight_smile: Although, it would be kinda cool if my gay neighbours became big macho Hollywood action stars when the kids were home from school, but ONLY then. :slight_smile:

35

As if those were two different things!

36

Well, my gay neighbours aren’t big macho Hollywood action stars, to the best of my knowledge :slight_smile:

37

If your neighbors were Tom Cruise, John Travolta, JC Van Damme, or Vin Deisel, they’d keep you awake all night denying they were gay.

1 Like
38

No problem. Switch to Godful activities. Hold midnight revival sessions with lots of music loud Halleluiahs and speaking in tongues. Maybe even a trip around the neighborhood exorcising the demons from eveyone’s homes.

1 Like
39

Godless activities?

http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2012/05/14/we-can-see-you-shagging/

40

ohgodohgodohgod…