Punch through windows, cut through seatbelts, and more with the $12.99 StatGear Rescue Knife


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Learn to be an Ethical hacker
Tear-by-hand packing tape

I don’t think that word means what you think it means.


I see you managed to cut through the hyperbole. You must have used the StatGear Rescue Knife. It quite literally cuts through everything.


Can we at least get some cool type setting or something like the old comic book ads? Just go for it boingboing and fully embrace where these sponsored ads are heading!



When I was about 11 I did in fact save up my allowance and send off for that “7 feet tall” glow in the dark Frankenstein. My parents didn’t try to talk me out of it, perhaps guessing I’d learn something out of the experience. What arrived in the mail was one of the biggest disappointments in my young life - a thin, flimsy, filmy plastic sheet with a picture of Frankenstein crudely printed on it.

That was a valuable life lesson for just $1 (plus shipping and handling.)


What’s the best way to sharpen this knife?



Yes, but can it punch through seatbelts and cut through windows? If not, don’t bother.


I’m so glad you asked!

Save 98.6% on this Knife Sharpening Course Bundle in the Boing Boing Store

You know when you’re cutting through literally everything with your StatGear Rescue Knife and it feels so good? That’s because that knife was sharpened and someone sharpened it so that your experience would be easy, fun and awesome. Now for 98.6% off you can be that guy and create sharp knives that other people on the Internet will be obsessed with.

There are three courses here with over $2879 worth of value from the Boing Boing L33T Commenters School but you get them all for just $39.99!

You’ll learn everything you need to know to get in arguments about which knife sharpening technique is the best! Now you can start racking up the likes for your kitchen knives and be that guy with weird spotty bald patches on his left arm!

(Fish. Barrel. Bang.)


I bought the sea monkeys and was disappointed that they didn’t look like the advertisement. What a rip-off.


Strangely, the 35% off, $13, All Sales Final “StatGear Rescue Knife” from Boing Boing Store is available for 0% off at a mere $10 as “StatGear VOLCANO Spring-Assisted Rescue Knife Seatbelt Cutter Window Punch” via Amazon with fast, free shipping for Amazon Prime members. Perhaps a Boinger would care to add an affiliate link to the better deal? Unfortunately, the Amazon listing does not mention the ability to cut through literally everything, so maybe the Boing Boing Store version is better…


With another StatGear Rescue Knife?


Well, since they can both cut through literally anything, they’d just cut each other into shavings… :frowning:


It’s a long lost battle. (Lexical) Shi(f)t happens.


Very sharp shavings…



Sea-monkey disappointment was a part of growing up for so many of us.


Awesome add BB store!


Yes. I spilled mine on our couch. I could never again sit on that cushion where so many sea monkeys lost their lives. Nobody else seemed to care.