Septic masculinity: when homophobia prevents men from literally wiping their own asses

I guess what’s really gay is masturbating? You’re letting a man touch your penis Fee chissakes!!

Man - are these guys screwed when she leaves.

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Um, so? There are actually men who do not masturbate, even though they don’t have sex.

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Are you crazy? Using a bidet will turn you into a French gay! Thats, like, double gay or something!

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No. This is not about uncontrollable defecation or issues with bowel movements. It’s about the utter lack of hygiene or awareness that hygiene is a thing. The guy says he didn’t realize everyone sits on the seat, that toilet seats aren’t just for girls. Who gave up on him so completely? He doesn’t say but maybe he at least knows what paper is for. But I wonder if the value and purpose of soap and water still elude him.

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I think my English isn’t quite good enough to understand you. Seriously. I don’t get what you are saying. It sounds like a stupid technique to urinate, but what does “Bringing the kids to the pool" refer or allude to?

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In all fairness, this is Reddit. I’m pretty sure, like Imgur, so much stuff on there is crap (pun intended). It’s all grasping for attention with outlandish stories.
People have virtual meltdowns over usersub on both sites.

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I think I’ve heard about them; they’ called dead men?

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I knew BoingBoing was up to something with all the bidet posts!

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if you read my post I’d think you’d start with a yes.

This is a human being who has been raised as an animal. For starters, she needs a cage.

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Dan Savage has fielded similar questions on his podcast and column and his answer was resolute: that man needs to toddler up and start wiping his ass and if he can’t do that, you need to DTMFA.

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Yup. This is what the Triumph of the Trolls has done to us. Anyone who engaged in this sort of behavior for longer than a week would be cast out of regular society, but the boundaries of outrageous stupidity have been pushed so far that we’re ready to believe anything.

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Oh, man. That dingleberries/69 hoax letter, though. Dan Savage puts up with a lot of shit (again, pun intended).

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Bonus points for George Formby!

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I’ve heard about men who “have to” eat bananas in pieces (too gay to put a whole banana in your mouth) or who “can’t” use umbrellas (umbrellas are for ladies).

“Real” men are haunted by catalogs of bizarre behavioral rules.

I don’t think the fear is necessarily that doing these things the “wrong” way will TURN them gay. It could be that doing these things will INDICATE or REVEAL that they are gay. Their secret fear.

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Wow; stupid + disgusting is never a good combo.

O_o

And while no one is responsible for anybody else’s behavior, what kind of women are willing to put up with that shit once they find out?!?

(Literally.)

Frankly, I was lost at “skid marks on everything” and " the smell is unbelievable."

I can guarantee that if I’m ever thinking about dating a guy, and I realize he smells like crap, (again, literally!) we’re never even gonna get around to kissing, let alone the removal of any clothes or baring of any skin.

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These men will be in for a real shock then when it becomes time for them to start getting colonoscopies.

Humor aside, it’s kind of sad that these people have such a deep seated homophobia that they think that anything touching them anywhere near their poop chute means they are suddenly going to become homosexual.

I can imagine them saying something like, “yeah I let that dude suck my dick but I mean, no homo, not like he touched my ass or anything.”

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Since when do we believe everything we read? It’s Reddit! I have never heard of such a thing, I call B.S. on this whole story. People make up the nastiest things they can think of just for up votes.

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“I totally agree.”
-Skid Marks

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