Silicon Valley's $400 Juicero "juicing system" turns out to be a machine that squeezes slime out of a bag

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Some cons are so blatant and obvious, you almost feel respect for the audacity of the grifter. But that would be victim blaming.


An actual juicer is a useful device… they don’t cost anything like $400 though.


But can some hack reporter join a botnet?

Luddites don’t understand the glory of IoT.


No, actual juicers are more like $600

The juice packets themselves cost $6 and up – more than a fresh-squeezed juice from a shop.

What is the market for this?


Are those Nespresso systems (and similar pod systems) really the same as this? I mean, could you just buy the pods, spear them, pour into cup and add boiling water. If you wanted that crappy coffee, that is. (Actually, those pod systems make a reasonable cup, but being a coffee snob has become normalised in society, and I’m not immune to such expectations)




Here’s one…

Yea, it is 400.00… it’s a good brand though… and is probably more than most homes would need.


Why not just pop the machine open and reveal the harshly-imprisoned fairy creature bag-squeezing mechanism within for all to see?


Venture capitalists?


I’m liking the glitter, not the implication


Why not just eat the fruit?

Complexifying simplicity is all this is.


Gullible yuppie marks?

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Okay, everybody is completely missing the point here. Look, I’ll break it down.

Most hands can be expected to function fairly well for decades. Here’s my working assumptions:
A person becomes capable of squeezing stuff out of a bag into a glass without making a mess on the counter at age 10.
A person’s hands become crippled from too much bag squeezing at age 60.
A person drinks 1 squeezed bag beverage per day.

That results in one individual squeezing 18,250 bags over the course of 50 years and spending $109,500 on squeezy bags.

But, here’s the genius part. If you make a bag squeezing device, one can assume that a little plastic gear will break within (let’s be generous), the first 500 bags squeezed. End result is that the same bag juice drinking individual is now spending an additional $14,600 over the course of 50 years.

I will leave as an exercise to the reader what the profit margin on machines vs bags is.



Is it me, or is the scariest part that Venture Capitalists and Silicon Valley juice drinkers think it is better to squeeze their juices out of a (no doubt locally sourced, artisinal, Farm to Table) bag rather than buy a juicer that uses REAL (fresh or frozen - nod to EggyToast) fruit and vegetables???


As someone who actually does like eating fruit, a smoothie or juicer that just smooshes it all up is still a good idea, because sometimes, you know, you just want to drink something.

Honestly though, I get bags of frozen fruit, put it in a cup, and use an immersion blender to blend it all up. I keep all the bits, so it’s just as healthy. However, I can also add some sweetener, perhaps some other liquids, to make it a nice drink that is consistent throughout the cup. Plus, frozen fruit is consistently good, unlike fresh fruit which is at the whim of season or even variance within the same bowl of fruit. And, as humans do tend to get different satisfaction from eating versus drinking, a thick smoothie can often hit both of those desires at once.

Separately, it tends to be faster and cleaner for the person doing the eating to drink fruit or veg like this, and is more portable in general compared to many fruits.


Coffee pods contain grounds and a filter. You can cut them open afterwards and see the grounds. The specialty ones like chai and hot cocoa are usually just a powder that gets mixed with hot water in the pod and drizzles out into your cup. You could cut these open to see that they are empty, but a spent one will be almost weightless.

Nespresso is a tad more sophisticated than Keurig. It produces a better brew too. Still expensive as all get out, though.