Your squeezing hands outperform this $400 IoT juicer


Originally published at:



Silicon Valley: Subscribifying, DRM-locking, and insecurely connecting to the Internet things you could do for a fraction of the price somewhere else since 2002.



Alas, this has already been snarked upon this day.


I liked this response:


“Gonna squeeze your Juicero [tm] Produce Pack til the juice run down your leg” just isn’t going to cut it as a timeless lyric.


I find it remarkable that the gripe some of the investors have is that the bag doesn’t need a machine to be pressed. How did they decide to give millions to someone designing a bag-squeezing machine without thinking that maybe designing a bag that is easy to squeeze by hand is a better idea?


And the lesson here is : never buy a kitchen appliance with a single purpose.



Huh…If they got an equal amount to the machine squeezing by hand, I wonder if you could out-perform the machine with a mangle, aka them roller things wot people used to squeeze their laundry with?

I’m betting yes.


…to the delight of the kingmaking queen of woo, Gwyneth Paltrow.

This cracks me up. Well crafted.


This is kind of surreal. I bet the original idea was that the bags would contain coarsely chopped fruits & vegetables, which would indeed require Tesla-crushing pressure to juice, but at some point they realised that didn’t work and were like “fuck it, we’ll just put juice in the bags”. And if anyone pointed out they were now simply offering ecologically offensive, hard-to-use bags of $30 juice,* that clearly didn’t strike them as a problem.

* based on a generous assumption that this device gets used 20 times before its journey to landfill via a 6-year stint on a shelf in the garage


I’ve been wishing for a small but heavy-duty mangle so that I can squeeze the marrow out of soft-ish pork rib bones.

Pasta rollers are too lightweight, I would think, and a duck press is ridiculously expensive.


A pouch - which makes one glass of juice costs - $7-8. And yet they sold more than zero of these things.

BTW. If you want a laugh, watch the video from Juicero, which shows just how easy it isn’t to set up one of these devices, and make sure you stay to the end for the hilariously involved way you deal with the waste:


Due to a glitch in Newsblur, this juxtaposition showed up in my newsfeed:


Does Silicon Valley have a processed food technology fetish?

Evans’ Juicero, Rhinehart’s Soylent and the rest seem convinced the future of food is MREs but with no flavor, suspect nutritional value, and dubious preparation/delivery systems.

The irony is a community that is based upon science seems to ignore it completely with regard to eating.

I’ll invest in what works and makes sense, not attempts by corporations to control the most basic parts of human life while making us less social, sicker, and poorer in the process.


Jesus boing boing this is the second article today at least that’s been double posted.


For ‘squeezing things out’, hands are always the best.


$118 million, according to one report.

But don’t mind me, I’m just jealous that nobody gave me $100 million to spend on my dumb ideas. Next time for sure!