Spreadable Beer


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The fact that spreadable beer now exists is not a sign that the world’s end is upon us. It’s a sign that the world already ended and we are now living in a post-armageddon void.


We already have this. It’s called Marmite. Apropos of nothing, my girlfriend bought me a pot of the ne plus ultra of alarming British spreadables, Gentleman’s Relish. It nearly made her sick (she is clearly no Gentleman, as it is fucking delicious)

? :question: :atom: Questions. Questions? QUESTIONS!? :atom: :question:?

Of course, this isn’t actually spreadable beer. It’s marmalade with a hint of beer. And beer with a hint of marmalade. And a cannily worded press release.


No, the real sign of the end: no affiliate link.


They’re not the first to make jelly out of beer. We’ve had BeerAdvocate’s 5th-ranked beer in Jelly form for years!


Reality TV coming soon: Beer-Jelly wars!


Can anybody kickstart me on artisanal ale peanut butter?


You can make your own REAL spreadable beer.


1 bottle your favorite beer
1 box Knox® Unflavored Gelatin


  1. In mixing bowl, sprinkle 1 pouch Knox® Unflavored Gelatin over 1/4 cup (50mL) cold beer. Let stand for 1 minute.
  2. Add 1/4 cup (50mL) boiling beer, stir constantly until granules are completely dissolved.
  3. Once the gelatin has been dissolved, add remaining beer.
  4. Pour mixture into a mold or bowl and chill until set.

Cautionary note: I have not tried this. Works with sparkling cider, though.


I’ve just instructed Jeeves over at Amazon to send me a sample. Pray for me.




It will be brought to me, and placed at my feet.


As with all things beer I will try it at least once.


Marmite is more like beer leavings. More byproduct than product.


If you like anchovies, you’ll be fine. It’s not for everyone, mind.


You can take that beer jelly and shove it…in a donut and then shove it in my mouth.


I believe I have some sort of savory stout jelly that I haven’t touched yet if you want to do a side-by-side comparison.

Marmite on toast with a heapin' slab of butter, and potatoes, lots of potatoes.

What I survived on for most of 2000/2001. I’d do it again, too if I was rich this time.


Why did I first read that as Beer Belly Wars?


That too!