Tactical baby wipe pouch

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/08/19/tactical-baby-wipe-pouch.html

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Tough Guy 1, sizing up Tough Guy 2: “Looks like you’ve really seen some shit.”


It’d go well with the tactical baby carrier.


This would be perfect as a bulletproof shield. Those things are expensive and heavy…and babies are ALWAYS hanging out on the street corners smoking cigarettes and shit. When everything goes down, grab one, throw it in the sling and run into danger knowing that you are protected.

I mean, except when it wets itself all over my chest. You know what? I might want to get shot instead.


Tactical Dad


wipes are the best by the way. I always keep some in the car, even though the kids are 9 and 7. After a baseball game, or a snack, ice cream, just playing at the park…, they are great for a quick clean of the hands. Great for public (especially park) bathrooms where the sinks don’t work…etc, etc.

Don’t see why you need to have a pouch to keep them in, tactical or otherwise (spontaneous?).


Meh, I had an Eddie Bauer set of stuff that was green and tan. I wouldn’t call it tactical, but it was cool enough that I used some of the bags for other things post baby mode.

And yeah, having stuff handy is nice.


All snark aside, this is to large to carry on a person. And hell, a baby could see that, even.

Having a re-organisable infant maintenance-and-supply thingummy is great, an it isn’t rocket science to design one. But if you want to do it right do it like fucking rocket science and do some tests, moron.

I spent far too much time in shops which were trying to sell me overpriced infant equipment. However, if things are practical, they basically sell themselves better than Tupperware and Thermomix.

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That’s the nice thing with MOLLE, it works with anything with the system, such as the your stroller, the back of the car seat, etc.

Still no use if the thing is too large. Ok for vehicles, but I need this to be carried, on person.

ETA: working with Velcro, right?
Not sure if good. Dirt magnet. Also, might hurt offspring if hook side to rigid. Needs testing.

I laughed at the description, then scrolled down and saw the tactical baby carrier, which looks like a bulletproof/tactical vest and ooooof.

Abruptly all I can think is that children die every day because the US has such an irresponsible relationship with guns, and do we really need to be dressing ourselves (and our babies) up as if military-grade weaponry and daily threats to physical well-being are a fashion statement?

ETA: upon re-reading, I sound like a lecturing killjoy, but I can’t change any of it for accuracy, so I guess I just am one…


What, no Kevlar? Surely they are just asking to be one-upped by a similar product with Kevlar.

“But that would be too expensive!” you may say. So just cap it at 5% Kevlar or something.

Get me a baby bottle with Picatinny rails, and I’m set.

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What, no camo?!? :sweat_smile:

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All the gear a dad needs for one epic family vacation he can’t afford to miss. Or it’d cost him his life.

I think if anything “tactical” should be done, it should be finding ways to make baby wipes more disposable and biodegradable.
Pollution, fatbergs, etc. Ugh.


Tactical baby gear - for men who ain’t shootin’ blanks!


How about a tactical banana holder for picatinny rails?


There’s no hidden holster for the baby’s concealed carry. 1 star rating from me.


Because the banana is the most important accouterment for your AR-15!