Ted Cruz on Trump: "I have no desire to copulate with him"

boing
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Better now?

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You do have to wonder if the Republicans are trying to put John Oliver et al out of a job by making satire obsolete, like Kissinger did to Lehrer.

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Well, since you askedā€¦

Duct tape is involved.

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all i can picture is both of them in opposite corners of a dark room watching dozens of rats injected with rodent viagra going at it in a pit, their disgusting smiles of delight barely visible in the candle light.

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You could sense the romantic tension in those debates, this is just another step the the will-they/wonā€™t-they drama, Cruz playing hard to get. Act three is the resolution where they finally get together in a torrid Cruz-Trump embrace, and in his arms, Tedā€™s admits to Donald that heā€™s going to switch positions on gay marriage when his own is on the line, provided they switch posiā€¦ Jesus H., the jokeā€™s turned into Trump/Cruz slash fic. Sorry.

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hmm, nope. still getting a visual image of cruz & trump. SOMETHING STRONGER, STAT!

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I see what you did thereā€¦ :slight_smile:

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Yes?

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Thanks BoingBoing, reading this has caused my libido to dry up and blow away, tumbleweed style. I hope it comes back eventually, once Iā€™ve been able to extract this all from my brain.

Except, @RatMan made me LOL, so Iā€™ll be OK.

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Why did I search for Cruz/Trump slash fic? Why???

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Ted doth protest too much.

Alsoā€¦ I bet that sounded really clever and funny in Tedā€™s head, which is scary.

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ooh, thatā€™s good. definitely a bit better now, thanks.

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Hey, you donā€™t know every rat. The heart wants what the heart wants, man. The state has no business in the dumpsters of the nation.

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Too much rape. (canola)

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I know, right? I mean, there are a lot of animals that are (comparitively) regularly used with ā€œfuckerā€ or ā€œfuckingā€ as insults, but I donā€™t think Iā€™ve ever heard anyone actually say ā€œratfucker.ā€ I mean, maybe itā€™s a Texas thing or something. The kids in southpark call each other ā€œpigfuckerā€ all the time, and there are plenty of versions with specific animals used as racist slurs, but I donā€™t think ā€œratfuckerā€ is really part of the vernacular.

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Cruz was making a (typically clumsy) reference to dirty political tricks. http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Ratfucking

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You are, of course, correct. But no rats I know, and I know many.

#NotAllRats

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Thatā€™s easy to say from your little bubble of cis- (and probably albino) rat privilege.

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One reason I am glad I donā€™t watch enough TV is that I get to live with the persistent illusion that whenever Cruz says anything, his voice in my head sounds like he does in all the Bad Lipreading videos.

Ditto that for Ben Carson, may he rest in peace.

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