Oh, um…
Seriously need a print-resolution version of this for our staff room, cuz of the number of parents who bring their kids’ “excess” candy in to work, and it’s all Neko Wafers and other tripe.
Well we know she won’t be giving spelling lessons.
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According to sources they’re Mary Jane’s Peanut Butter Kisses, but I think it’s more properly known as Black & Orange Crapola. You were smarter as a kid than I was. These things stayed in the bottom of my candy bag until the second week of November. By that time I’d eaten everything else, and every year, desperate for another candy fix, I’d unwrap one and try it. Then I’d spit it out.
The one benefit is it’s the only candy that would make me brush my teeth. I couldn’t stand the way it got stuck in my molars.
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was thinking i missed this years list. went out and got candy without it. i think i’ll be ok http://i.imgur.com/ZcItmXr.jpg
ERMEGERD!
Hmmm,… yurp, I would eat all of those.
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They spelled TOBLERONE wrong…
Also: Gummibears!!! Dr. Riegel died, but they still make them.
Note that Ben and I are closely monitoring these comments. They will be noted and represent data for next year’s Hierarchy.
Also (with bounce): Sweetums!: When fructose jitters can’t wait, try Sweetums, an American delight!
Now, back to your regular programming…
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The problem with this list is (and has been for years) that it purports to rank candy quality, which is a fools errand, as anyone who’s read their Pirsig can tell you. It does do a reasonably good job however at ranking candy popularity. This can be useful information too, but it’s important to realize exactly what it is you’re measuring before you can draw meaningful conclusions from your research.
As I’ve suggested on some previous issue, what would really make this research useful to the public at large is if it were published not as a ranking, but as a table of exchange rates.
That way, instead of listing licorice [sic] as ‘bottom tier’ (Preposterous! Anyone with taste knows liquorice is next to godliness!), the rates could indicate that, due to the inexplicable preference of the Halloween Herd and taking into account the predictions for the supply-side, such abominations as ‘Mint M&M’s’ may apparently be expected to yield glorious black liquorice in at least 5-to-1 weight ratio on the open market.
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I think I’m the only person who likes those marshmallow peanuts and bananas. Especially the bananas. There’s a texture thing about them. When your tongue touches the inside of one, it melts and collapses the air bubbles in it.
Also, anything with mint in it is horrible and should result in the Syrian chemical weapon disposal team being recalled to deal with its destruction.
RELATED:
Rob Cockerham’s Children’s Candy Code. Like Hobo Codes, but for Halloween:
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I think I love you.
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I think I love you too, Oh, Defender of Tasty Licorice. Hoo-rah.
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my roommate brought home something called Take 5 this year. it’s purportedly 5 layers. I dunno what the fourth and fifth ones are, but it’s got pretzels and caramel covered in chocolate and is therefore easily within my top-tier. [EDIT: they’re peanuts and peanut butter. redundant, and that’s cheating since as soon as you bite a peanut it turns into PB anyhow. regardless, Take 5 is great]
@Donald_Petersen heh heh, they got your number this year, “Donnie.”
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I had quite forgotten that any full-sized bar was at the top of the toppest tier, did the math last year, took another one-eyed peek at my butt in a mirror to remind me not to buy more candy than we can giveaway, and went out to buy six full-sized bars for the half dozen trick-or-treaters we get every year. For effect, I gently lobbed the bars into their buckets. After receiving his bar, one little boy turned to the kid next to him and said, ‘THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST HALLOWEEN EVER!’.
So worth it.
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If these folks are putting licorice in the bottom tier, they would probably create a special Candy Hell for salmiak.
And they’d be totally, utterly wrong.
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For some reason, I have a raging craving for Sweetums!!!
and, the crunchy tart category is the bestest category!
When it comes to cash and legal tender, demonination is definitely crucial. Like many children, I encountered the “here’s a bowl of pennies, take a fistful” giveaway and considered it one of the worst. Like, even if I could have fit more than 30 cents of pennies into my tiny child fist, the only place I could buy 30 cents worth of candy would be a gumball machine, and those took quarters, not pennies.
On the other hand, I still remember hearing from kids who trick-or-treated in the rich neighborhoods of my hometown of Las Vegas, that Redd Foxx would answer the door with a bowl full of quarters and let you take a fistful. That was legendary.
As I’ve said before, this is dependent both on your community and your culture. Around here, I have a favorable reputation as the guy who gives out Smarties (usually along with some variant of chocolate, for variety); in other areas I understand they’re frowned upon.
(Realistically, they’re what I give away because I don’t find myself scarfing down all the leftovers in the first week.)
Then again, this is the part of the country where much of the American confectionary industry started. I’m still disappointed that NECCO closed their factory store; bulk-packed and “irregular” candy at wholesale prices was a very convenient thing.
I just wish people weren’t so darned paranoid about Halloween. I’d much prefer to give out cookies, but these days that is simply Not An Option except within a structured party.
Mrs. Zekulin down the street had a bowl of coins from which you took a spoonful.
But there was more in there than pennies. If you were lucky you could get a few quarters. Back in 1970, this was a pretty good deal for a kid!
