After a hard night’s work of trick or treating, my friends and I tried to feed one of those orange and black wrapped horrors to my friend’s dog. The dog took a sniff, literally wrinkled his nose in disapproval, and walked off. Totally true story. But seriously though, can anyone tell me what the hell those things are? Who keeps making them, and why the hell do people hand them out? Or do they still hand them out? I haven’t been on the trick or treat beat in a long while, to tell ya the truth!
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Despite their lame attempt to laugh it off in the discussion, the failure to include Butterfingers shows this study simply cannot be taken seriously. Unless, of course, the Butterfinger experience is so exalted that it would stretch the chart so far as to make comparisons among lesser confections meaningless. Which is a real possibility.
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The first thing I looked for was where butterfingers were on the chart. I don’t know many people who eat candy who can resist a Butterfinger bar. I been on a very low sugar diet for the last three weeks and doing very well. I had one piece of candy today, guess what it was? I couldn’t pass up a free tiny Butterfinger bar!!! Awesome! Come on really no Butterfinger bars on your chart! A Butterfinger bar blows away 80% of the stuff on that list any day!!
when I moved to Nashville, the very first food I ate there was a GooGoo Cluster and a Moon Pie. That was my “welcome to Nashville” treat 
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That’s EXACTLY how candy corn hits me!
Japanese KitKats are the ultimate, the US ones are the worst. There are dozens of flavors, seasons, and limiteds in Japan, and many of them are great. Dark chocolate? Matcha? Burgundy?
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But to assume that changes in language are always for the better falls prey to the illusion of historical progress. Surely, languages can also devolve. Refusal to acknowledge the singular merely confirms your divisive agendum.
I’ve found some troubling issues with this year’s Candy Hierarchy (it’s a thing, really):
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Cash is certainly better than a Milky Way. And most everything, because you can buy the other things with it.
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Toblerone is misspelled and should also be #1.
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If they’re giving you Vicodin or “actual physical hugs”, you should leave the neighborhood and tell an adult. Unless you’re an adult and you should really know better.
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Malted milk in any form is vile.
They are peanut butter… taffy? Basically? Some have a slightly dry peanut butter center. I like them and will gladly eat yours (probably more out of nostalgia than anything, but who’s counting?).
To elaborate, they are apparently molasses taffy, with peanut butter centers. And I stand by my love for them.
http://www.candyblog.net/blog/item/mary_jane_peanut_butter_kisses
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I recall that they were called peanut butter kisses, but till now I hadn’t seen “Mary Jane” on one. I remember Mary Janes looking like this:
First time I saw one of these was when I was 8, and I got one from a house where the kid (older than most of us) was a known troublemaker. I already knew what “Mary Jane” meant, so I wondered if they were handing out some kind of dope/poison. After 1 or 2 days worrying about it I finally took the risk and ate it. Or maybe it was a long-term strategy on the neighbor’s part, as it’s quite possible that delicious, partially-hydrogenated Mary Jane is still coating my arteries.
I’m sure every neighborhood had some impossibly naive person who went out for the night, but left out a tray of candy with a sign that said “please only take one.”
When I was 6 there was an older woman in our neighborhood, whom none of us actually knew, who would always answer the door with a plate of M&Ms. Not just on Halloween. We’d knock on the way home from school and she’d open the door with her plate of M&Ms for us. I’d already been warned about strangers bearing candy, but when I saw the other kids partake with no immediate ill effects, I was hooked as well.
I have never known them as Mary Janes myself, but that was the one link I found that wasn’t having histrionics over how terrible they allegedly are.
I never left the tray, but I did live on the top floor of a duplex-over-garage once, so I put my bowl of candy inside the front door to prevent lugging it up and down every single time. Alas, someone apparently showed up, spotted it through the window, and poured the whole thing into their bag. Happy Halloween assholes.
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