But maybe he just couldn’t live longer than 82 years without ’em.
I can not dispute this possibility. I therefore propose the new phrase: Can live with 'em, have not verifiably lived more than 82 years without 'em be used in the future.
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I think he was reincarnated to write Hollywood movie scripts.
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What did he think about when he masturbated?
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Jesus.
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Um, probably the same thing he thought about when he had sex? I.e., other monks?
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If he was heterosexual, probably exactly the same type of non-reality based female construct many (if not most) men masturbate to.
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Or you know, maybe just get women to help, since some women are actually good at math and engineering, too.
Just a thought. 
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I wonder how the other teens in the monastery tried to explain the allure of the female form.
A: “Try to imagine a guy, but one who is missing a dick and has these big fleshy lumps on his body.”
B: “That sounds HORRIFYING.”
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A: No man, no! It’s cool, the lumps also sometimes squirt milk!
B: You’re not making it any better.
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A: "Oh yeah, and instead of a dick there’s just a hole that blood comes out of sometimes."
B: “You know what? Forget I asked.”
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Probably not. The closest I came to this fellow’s experience was 3 months at sea on a factory ship in my mid-20s with about 85 other guys (mostly Russian and Polish).
When I arrived back on land almost every woman I saw that was under 80 had some attraction to me, especially in the first couple of days.
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Mount Athos isn’t just a mountain, it’s a peninsula so it does have beaches. In fact I don’t think there’s a road to it from the mainland, it’s only accessible by boat.
hmm, I wonder what he masturbated to.
I guess nobody else thought about that.
hmm, wonder why I’m so awesome.
hmm, no someone else thought about it.
hmm, wonder why I’m so lame.
That’s how we beat the Zentraedi, through team work. Also with music and love, IIRC. The Zentraedi have females too, but kept them segregated. Probably because the Zentraedi males couldn’t stay on task otherwise.
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Hmm, I think this is sort of crossing a line - I mean, technically speaking, Ted Cruz is still a man.
I can picture about half of the over-40 women I know reading this article and muttering, “Sounds a lot like my first husband.”
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himself masturbating…?
Dang. You beat me to it. (Pun intended.)
Before spellcheck, you would have plausible deniability for gags slipped into the paper like that.
