Toxic Masculinity: Dude, where are my emotions?

I want to be clear: I’m not trying to hijack the societal pressure on women to see themselves as lesser-than men.

No problem, I didn’t think you were trying to do what I speculated about.

That’s real, and it’s insidious and horrible. I’ve witnessed it first hand in so many contexts and fight against it wherever and whenever I can.

Indeed!

I do believe it is separate from imposter syndrome, which, as I understand the term, is an internalized feeling that tends to manifest in people with a deep enough understanding of the world, or at least their field of expertise, to know just how much they do not know. It has no socioeconomic baggage in my mind.

Hmm, that’s an interestingly, commonly masculine perspective, it seems to me. Ironically so, if what I understand about the term is true — that the concept of “imposter phenomenon” initially came about to describe something that often happens to women. As this overview says, two researchers who were women coined the term in a “1978 study on high-achieving women who felt as though their success was not attributed to their own abilities.”

As the abstract of the study itself says, “The term impostor phenomenon is used to designate an internal experience of intellectual phonies, which appears to be particularly prevalent and intense among a select sample of high achieving women. Certain early family dynamics and later introjection of societal sex-role stereotyping appear to contribute significantly to the development of the impostor phenomenon.”

People exhibiting impostor syndrome (it’s not a condition, per se, but a behavior that anyone could exhibit) are often understate their assertions and downplay their competence.

I wouldn’t say it’s a behavior so much as a feeling, and a set of self-doubting thoughts provoked by it, but anyway, the “internalized doubts” you also mention certainly can be caused by external factors, such as the decidedly toxic masculinity of society and the workplace.

I hope that makes my earlier post more clear? That I empathize with women who might not only deal with internalized doubts of their own competence but also have that societal pressure telling them that, no matter how freaking amazing they are, it’s never good enough.

Sure, thanks for the further effort to clarify, and Iappreciateas always your empathy. I’ll just say again, though, that I think internalized doubts in women (as in people who aren’t, say, white) can be caused by societal pressure telling them they’re never good enough. I don’t see a reason for separating them as you’re doing, nor do the people who came up with and studied the “imposter” concept in the first place.

Overcoming toxic masculinity is one part of the solution to the problem; making sure women are recognized for their achievements and competence, and that their voices are heard, is another part.

Hear hear! And if they are heard, and respected, and accorded genuinely equal treatment, they’re also that much less likely to succumb to imposter syndrome, a phenomenon that they, as women, are more likely to suffer from than men.

(By the way, I’ve had no trouble finding corroborating arguments for my understanding that “imposter syndrome has an outsize effect on certain groups.”)

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Blow Your Mind Wow GIF by Product Hunt

Thank you for that! I had no idea (clearly!).

I am updating my understanding accordingly.

/hijack

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I don’t think that was a hijack. At least once I brought it all back to toxic masculinity! :wink: :laughing:

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This article might be relevant to the recent conversation in this space, even if it’s a) industry-specific and b) straying from the topic of toxic masculinity:

It’s Not Imposter Syndrome: Resisting Self-Doubt as Normal For Library Workers

Library workers, as with other professions, are quick to diagnose ourselves and others with imposter syndrome when we doubt or devalue our everyday work. However, methods of coping with imposter syndrome have changed little in the forty years since the term was first theorized, and often centre on feel-good fixes which do not address power imbalances between the sufferer and their workplace environment. Here, I examine the origins of imposter syndrome, and identify factors often misinterpreted as imposter syndrome but which are instead the product of oppressions such as precarious labour, racism, and sexism. By unpacking how oppression and gaslighting shapes a workplace environment, we can then alleviate individuals with imposter syndrome of sole responsibility for their own healing, and hold institutions and managers accountable for the conditions they help to perpetuate.

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Is that a thing? If it is, does toxic masculinity cause it?

Poor pee shy guys. :slightly_frowning_face:

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Not that I know of, but so many people have so many strange hangups, who knows.

The issue I have is that it would typically be the older guy having difficulty…

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This is a real thing. It’s not usually about toxic masculinity, it’s about how if you’re used to privacy then it’s actually really weird to suddenly pee right next to other people. Imagine trying to use one of the public outhouses where Romans used to sit and talk while they defecated…I’m not at all sure I could.

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horse trough urinals.
that’ll make a pee-shy guy float his back teeth.

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[Sam Tompkins: ‘The manliest thing you can do is talk’ (bbc.com)]

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He sounds very emotionally fragile.

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Yep. Here’s hoping he doesn’t take it out on his family members. :grimacing:

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Romans were a bunch of toxic masculinitists. Also they all died. Coincidence? I think not.

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If he was really serious he’d smash it and set it on fire.

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Inside his garage.

Without emptying the gas first.

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Only as long as he was home alone.

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Think I’ll cross-post in the misogyny thread:

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During the pause, another audience member is reported to have shouted from the circle that the scene “was a disgrace” and “there was no warning”. In a rare move, the actors on stage responded to the man by saying there had been “warnings about the abortion” in the theatre’s guidance.

Wow, suddenly they believe in trigger warnings. (And yet apparently they don’t know how to observe and make use of them.)

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Beavis And Butthead Comedy GIF by Paramount+

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On Walz as an alternative model of masculinity:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/style/power/2024/08/08/tim-walz-midwestern-dad/

Tim Walz is running to be America’s vice president, but perhaps you’ve noticed that the internet has already cast him as America’s dad.

“Tim Walz snuck a $20 in your back pocket because he’s worried you don’t have enough gas money to drive home,” read a representative social media post, one of hundreds (thousands?) of examples of the wholesome fan fiction that has sprung up since his Tuesday introduction to the national stage.
“Tim Walz beeps at you at a red light, motions for you to put your window down, and tells you that your right rear tire could use some air,” read another. Or: “Tim Walz has enough 10 mm sockets for everyone in the neighborhood.” Or, this piece of imagined dialogue between Walz and his running mate: “HARRIS: I’m picking you to be my veep. WALZ: Hi, picking you to be my veep. I’m Dad!”

The memes have been wildly popular both because they make use of a well-established trope — the Midwestern father figure, oversize in both competence and kindness — and because Walz’s actual personality appears to fit the trope so well that the memes feel more like biography than caricature. “Teaching Hope about old school stereo setups,” Walz wrote on an unearthed Facebook post from 2020, under a picture of him with his daughter. “Quality speaker wires matter people!!!”

I’d been trying to think of a better descriptor than Midwestern Dad to get at the aura Walz projects. After all, not all good men are Midwestern or dads. Soon I realized the perfect term had already been coined. “Tim Walz has tonic masculinity,” I saw several fans write online.

Yes. That. Tim Walz has tonic masculinity. Confident. Decent. The kind of man who, as another user joked, would start his job at the White House “being asked about national security and the tax code and end with him wearing a headlamp up in the attic fixing some old wiring.”

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