Trump campaign reboot week progress report


Originally published at:


I like how the words get more complicated as the week goes on, they must have a lot of faith in their orange monkey training program.


Look, we got Crooked Hillary telling lies in every titty, okay? And maybe we can only stop her with 2nd Amendment people. And some people out there think I don’t know what Global Thermos Nukular War is, but I’ve seen those bombs they put in thermoses, okay? Believe me. I know what that is, probably better than anybody, so don’t worry about it, I guarantee there’s no problem there, okay?


I do not think this list was actually leaked by campaign staff.


Sunday: TBD


Sunday: Trump reveals himself to be the second coming. Of what, he seems a bit unsure, but it’s “huuuge” and very important. Speculation by democrats that it is kept in his trousers and speculation by republicans that he is the messiah melts down the Twitter servers. Without Twitter, Trump’s campaign implodes.


“Hey, a lot of people are saying I’m the Messiah. I’m not saying that. I’m not saying that, it’s not me saying that. I’m the Second Coming, a lot of people are saying, but hey, what can you do.”


It’s huge, antediluvian, blasphemous, charnel, cyclopean, eldritch, extra-Euclidean, fungoid, gambrel, gibbous, gibbering, loathsome, nameless, noisome, pseudopode, squamous, stygian, tentacled and American.


You omitted “rugose”


A small correction:

Thursday: Trump calls for the recriminalization of homosexuality.

That’s not as much of a joke as I’d like it to be. Since Trump himself doesn’t seem to believe anything it’s the people around him who’ll be making the decisions, and, well…


Yeah, global thermonuclear war was last week.


“Jesus did a lot of great things, you know with the loaves and fishes and that walking on water bit, but I’ve done a lot of great things myself…”


And the band played on…



Just to point out he also encouraged his dimwit voters to commit voter fraud.
Vote 15 times! You know Killary voters are voting 15 times (wink wink)

I’ve been an independent voter most of my life, but sweet mfing jesus this guy is a loose cannon of speedball neurosis and complete lack of judgement. What a flaming sack of dogturds Cheetoh Hilter is…


He didn’t say “titties”. He said “cities”, and a second, glitch-free audio recording proves it

There’s more than enough real reasons to be afraid of a Trump presidency, without the need to report false items.



Wednesday: Global Thermonuclear War. - You can’t use that as part of a reboot, it’s been part of the campaign since March 31st.


Are we still doing the Trump NAMBLA rumor?


The Ol’ Rugose, Ashen and Azure!