Trump team says Elton John's playing at his inauguration; Elton John says he's not

Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2016/11/25/trump-team-says-elton-johns.html

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Elton John, Chachi - easy mistake!

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“I don’t hate the gays. I love the gays. I have the best gays. Look at this Real Live Gay Person I found. I’m the best candidate for the gays.”

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A sentence we’ll be hearing a lot of about a wide range of topics over the next 4 years.

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TRUMP: “What? I have to ask him first? I can’t just tell him to come? Putin does that all the time, believe me.”

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It’s like, the inauguration will be so great that it will feel like Elton John is there. Also, it will say on the invoices that he was paid to be there, and money doesn’t just disappear.

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It’ll be Nugent.

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Who are you going to believe? Elton John? He’s obviously part of the secret liberal media cabal!

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Or perhaps Scott Stapp!

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Is Kid Rock still around?

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Maybe Pence was making a test run at mandatory conversion therapy indoctrination (yes, I know Sir John is British)?

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Apparently Loretta Lynn is a) still alive and b) a Trumpista. Ditto Pat Boone.

Or Paris Hilton could do it.

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It’s going to be Nigel Farage in drag. They both find such things funny.

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I was trying to look up a list of celebrity endorsements of Trump, and apparently Dale Winton was on the list (something to do with the tan, I guess?).

Maybe they could hold a special edition of Supermarket Sweep down the Mall?

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I heard she has her shit together these days and is actually (unlike Trump) parlaying her family wealth into a successful business empire.

Like, actually billionaire versus Trump’s stream of failure.

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Toby Keith seems like the man for the job.

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Sample quotes from Elton John about Trump showing his deep love for our orange overlord:

‘I fear for the world…’
‘We need a humanitarian in the White House, not a barbarian’
’ I’m not a Republican in a million years. Why not ask Ted fucking Nugent? Or one of those fucking country stars? They’ll do it for you.’

Why he would decline the inauguration is a mystery right up there with the Bermuda Triangle.



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Who?

Makes Scott Baio look like a big huge A-list celebrity by comparison

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Elton must have thought the request was coming from his pal Rush Limbaugh who’s only distinguishable from Trump by his hair.

Or lack thereof.

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Blecch.

Reminds me of Henry Rollins’ spoken word about being excited to join William Shatner’s Superbowl party only to get immediately introduced to Shatner’s bestie Limbaugh. I can’t imagine trying to be cordial in either case, but perhaps John used the money for a decent cause.

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