That sounds like the time I woke up at 4am at a party (not my house) and noticed a guy walk over to a coat closet, open the door, and start to take the stance. I knew he was blind drunk, incoherently wasted, so I got up, turned him around pushed him 10 feet to the other door just in time, and let him piss on the doormat, out the front door. He then got his pants up, walked past me, and passed out on the couch where I had just been.
I can almost smell the clove cigarettes.
Damn thatās deepā¦
my vent
I jinxed myself. This driver is going to get us both killed. I canāt understand a word heās sayingg. And the car is dirty and smells. ETA. Heās going 50 in a 65 ā getting passed on both sides like weāre not even moving. Another ETA: I have a 4.7 rating. Last time I had a 5.0 so some recent driver gave me an undeserved 4. I have been an ideal customer. Aside from the uncontrollable flatulence. We just got honked at.
People keep trying to make me drink sweet tea.
Iāve noticed more and more casual and fast-food restaurants around here serving sweetened tea and, even worse, assuming thatās the default, i.e. if you donāt specify otherwise, you want it sweet.
I live in a part of the midwest where sweet tea is available, but not really a thing. My whole life Iāve always been able to order an āiced teaā and get plain black tea, with a slice of lemon if I ask nicely. But it seems like in the last year or two, like armadillos creeping up from Texas, sweet tea keeps infiltrating our menus (in some sort of conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids, no doubt).
And every time I encounter it, Iām just exasperated that itās even a question. This isnāt the South (although weāre adjacent to it). Seriously, who even drinks that stuff?
Hereās literally me at the drive-through, just the day before yesterday.
MrMonkey: Iāll have blah-blah-blah and an iced tea.
Drive-Through Guy: Blah-blah-blah and a sweet tea, thatāll be ā
MM: wait no, an UN-sweetened iced tea.
DTG: Blah-blah-blah and a unsweetened tea, thatāll be dollar dollars.
[MM pulls around to the window to pay.]
DTG: You had blah-blah-blah and an unsweetened iced tea?
MM: Yep, thatās me. Hereās your money.
DTG: Hereās your change and your food. Have a nice day.
MM: Cool, thanks. You too.
[MM pulls away, unwraps his straw, inserts it into his cup, and takes a sip.]
MM: MOTHERPUSSBUCKET THEY GAVE ME SWEET TEA!!!1!
[Gagging sounds ensue.]
Itās the kind of thing that makes me think they might be deliberately messing with me. But it turned out that they just didnāt have the heart to tell me that they were out of plain tea, and thus served me sweet tea, instead.
Thank you for letting me vent. 
Your wife is going to be really pissed your last words were to us. On the plus though youāll set a new standard for the Signs Youāre Addicted thread.
You guys donāt get the insurance money though.
With last words like that, maybe nobody will.
Yay, now I know exactly what to get for your birthday!
We made it! If thereās a fatality between me and Elizabeth (where he lives I learned) Iād bet even money itās him. He was driving slow because of the wind he said. And now itās raining so itāll be even dicier for him.
ha! Thatās cruel.
Funny. But cruel.
I donāt know why I dislike sweet tea so much. It just tastes wrong, like chocolate milk. Some flavors just donāt pair well with sugar, for my palate.
Well, lucky you. Always a good thing when you avoid the diabetes!
Nearly every day I find people netside apparently asking questions, but punctuating them with periods instead of question marks.
them: "Why not use periods."
me: āAAAIIIEEEE!!!ā
Nearly everyday I find people asking questions when theyāre really making pointed statements!
Well, actuallyā¦
Well? Ā
I like pointed statements, but they are phrased differently than questions. Such as not starting with āwhy/why notā if they are trying to be declarative.
I agree!
Except the pointed part. Too pokey.
Well, he can walk into any book, with his pony pal Pokey, too.
If youāve got a heart then Gumby is a part of you.
My daughter pees exclusively in the potty now, which is great, she even stays dry at night. She also loves to be read to on the potty though, and sometimes this lasts a big too long, and her bum get stuck to the potty. Like this morning, when it stuck to her bum just long enough to dump her regular asleep-for-10-hours half gallon of amber stout onto the bathmat. mmmm, handwashing pee out of a bathmat at 5am while a wacky toddler does god knows what in the living roomā¦
Sounds like parenthood. I have had many āI canāt believe this is part of my lifeā moments!
