It is seen as a threat by some men. In particular, man babies.
These men understand maleness to be an identity, that is, not a way to identify who they are, but an identity that must be adopted and maintained. This identity is not an emergent property of someone who identifies as male nor does it have anything to do with biology. It needs to be conferred by an outside other, it must be proved.
This way of looking at the world means that not all men are men, only those that can prove they are men get to be accepted as men. Its like a drivers license, except thereâs no centralized governing body, the standards for maleness are encoded into culture and are internalized silently over a period of many years.
It also means that since your status as a man is now completely dependent on maintaining an identity for others to approve of, it is dependent of maintaining a facade, then whoever is in control of affirming your manhood is now in control of your behavior insofar as you continue to seek the approval of this figure.
I donât think these men are upset in the traditional sense, it seems to me to be more of a zealotâs fervor, they are upset so they can belong to the true group of men, this is how they are asking for approval from whoever theyâve surrendered their identity to.
And yes, there is a deep insecurity driving this, I have no idea if this insecurity is born of tragic personal experience or if its a very hyperactive social component that forces some people to surrender their will to an outside force in exchange for approval.
I get it, but why is that? I mean, why did you initially feel defensive about it?
Itâs a real enough knee jerk reaction that could probably be avoided if we wanted to be extra considerate, but was the intent behind it to be inconsiderate in the first place?
I donât see it.
And I certainly donât want to say that because I am a man and I did not read any implication into it, that you shouldnât either, I am saying that if we were to really discuss your reaction to it, weâll learn more about you than about the people who made the statement. Thatâs how threads get derailed.
I was thinking about this in the shower, as one does, and I figured since the some men were sharing anecdotes about how theyâve been âattackedâ by femininity, I thought Iâd share a couple times I was accused of weaponizing my sexuality:
Exhibit A: an old online game site where you could post a profile with a picture. After refusing a male opponentâs flirtatious advances, I was told that my photo was an âobvious fakeâ that I was using to âattract male attention.â It was my wedding photo. He was serious.
Exhibit B: Apparently, this cosplay* of mine is âvery sexyâ:
It âenhances your bustâ, I am told. Note that the only change I have made to the male costume is to actually make it longer than Dr. Strangeâs tunic and to put a female body inside it. Iâm 44, my revealing cosplay days are over.
Both instances where I have been accused of doing something deliberately to attract men. One instance where a) I was actively trying to repel them, and b) not considering them in any way.
(*one guy referred to it as my âsexy Supergirl costumeâ. LOL fake geek boys. Another guy called me âNurse Strangeâ which was frankly the most offensive of all.)
Have you seen the youtube videos of actual Lesibans reacting to girl on girl porn?
The looks of horror and "OMG what is she doing with those finger nails NO!"
Now those girls are doing it for straight men, but lesbians? hahahah oh man I should get my butch friends in here.
As an aside, the mayor of Austin provided an excellent response to the âoutrageâ from some neolithic jackwads. I assume someone at BB will publish an article regarding this soon enough.
"The notion of a woman hero is a fine example of womenâs eagerness to accept the appearance of achievement without actual achievement.
Women learn from an early age to value make-up, that itâs OK to pretend that you are greater than you actually are. Women pretend they do not know that only men serve in combat because they are content to have an easier ride. Women gladly accept gold medals at the Olympics for coming in 10th and competing only against the second class of athletes.
Name something invented by a woman! Achievements by the second rate gender pale in comparison to virtually everything great in human history was accomplished by men, not women."
And thatâs why we have to keep talking about sexism.
@mike.jane - these two examples are the only âbutton-pushingâ you can control. When some women push your buttons, because they have had training in or are naturally good at manipulating other peopleâs behavior, you can only control your reaction to it.
A few people have told you to accept responsibility for your actions (or re-actions) concerning your claim of âweapons-grade femininityâ being aimed at you. From your responses, I donât think you get what theyâre saying. It may be simple, but itâs not simplistic. If you donât want it, say no.
There are a number of humans that will manipulate you for certain ends. Some are women. Some are politicians. Doesnât matter if theyâre looking for sales, a sucker to buy them things, or votes, itâs all the same thing. Be a responsible adult in your emotional responses to sales pitches as well as girlfriends. Maybe talk to someone and figure out why you lump service workers, salespeople and romantic attachments together and give the same emotional response to each.
