Woman convicted of shooting into McDonalds after discovering burger once again lacked bacon


#1

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#2

It’s like a real-life enactment of a The Boondocks episode.


#3

YOU HAD ONE JOB!
<bacon!>


#4

Some people’s standards are just higher than others.


#5

Doesn’t McDonald’s basically just use grease-flavored flypaper for bacon anyway?


#6

Bacon-fluenza sounds legit to me. We can’t be held responsible for our actions while in its grips. She sounds perfectly reasonable after it passed. It’s not like she dismembered someone and got off because money.


#7

When keeping it real goes wrong.


#8

“It was just dumb.”

Would her reaction have included, had she hit her target, a “really really”?


#9

Why the hell does this stuff always happen in Michigan? Does being close to Canada really piss people off so much that they have to assert their American-ness?


#10

Remember, guns don’t kill people. I forget the rest.


#11

something about how the only thing that can stop a bad guy without bacon is a good guy without bacon, I think?


#12

I see a headline every hour every day on the Internet that claims someone did something shitty because _______________ (fill in mundane reason, without discussing mental illness).


#13

Bacon kills people?


#14

She could have done the same thing with a knife! You know, if she owned a throwing knife and was a ninja or something.


#15

mmmm BACON!


#16

The DA described the defendant’s actions as “even less kosher than the delicious bacon she was twice denied” before laughing hysterically and ending the interview.


#17

Black woman does something dumb and her full name and mugshot get posted. A few posts later a white man in Florida does something dumb and BB posts only his last name and no mugshot.

Different posters, sure, but I don’t know why her name and mugshot are important for BB.

That has to be the most subtle re-write of someone else’s text I’ve seen in a while: possibly even below the Daily Mail’s standards. Here’s the original:

Shaneka Monique Torres, 30, faces at least two years in prison for felony use of a firearm, followed by a maximum of five years for shooting at an occupied building and illegally carrying a concealed weapon.


#18

It’s bacon’s fault…clearly.


#19


#20

Look, I know there are a lot of anti-gun folks on BB, but I really feel like we can all agree that this one time, it was entirely justified.

I mean, you don’t just forget the bacon. Good gods, what has humanity come to? Now, Texas would have handled this situation appropriately…