Your children "look delicious", writes angry neighbor

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This is the kind of response you deserve when you use Calibri.


But did the kids learn to play quietly in their own yard or not?!?


were elementary school-age children who had been noisy and left stuff in her yard.

Seems to me the lesson is that if, over the course of trusting in other people and experiencing joy on a daily basis, you do something that may be construed as disrespecting someone else’s property, you risk attracting the attention of crazy people.

Seems legit. I’m sure substantially less favorable outcomes have followed similar transgressions elsewhere in the country.


I mean, how ELSE are we supposed to request that one’s children be served to us? SHE ASKED NICELY.

It’s creepy, but not like a dangerous threat or anything. The mom’s histrionics are quite a bit over the top, too. Maybe consider paying enough attention to your precious little morsels so that you know if they’re potentially annoying your weird neighbors?


but adults are so dry and chewy…


Pretty sick and weird… though maybe they were trying to be funny…

Wait - where does the Ban Dragon live?


I assumed that this was another post about @Falcor


She should try covering her house in candy.

I mean, that’s what she’s referencing, right? Certainly a suburban mom wouldn’t have the vapours over a literary allusion, unless there was an opportunity to accuse a feuding neighbour of being a paedophile by being deliberately obtuse.


Its funny how to me there are always two sides to something. I have young kids. And while I am a disciplinarian I do recognize you have to let kids be kids sometimes. They can’t be perfect angels all the time dammit!!! I have come across parents who I think need to learn to throttle their kids or at the very least maybe tell them NO once in a while. So I’d love to know…is this lady just bat crap crazy…or are these kids actually unruly savages?!


That could have been handled better on both sides.


I thought it was interesting that the parent went straight to “sexual.” I also thought that the reason for scary kids’ stories is so the little dears think twice about invading the neighbor’s house lest they be braised in a nice wine sauce.


The parents’ overreaction would be hilarious if it wasn’t a perfect example of hysterical parents everywhere. Jumping to the conclusion “pedophile” instead of “prankster” has us all shitting our pants with fear.

On the other hand, I don’t want to be the defender of “get off my lawn!”


A “baby” eater, just in time for Halloween!

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You shut your face, Calibri is the best font!!


Just read this in the linked article, which made me chuckle.

Then, the family began to received magazine subscriptions. “Instead of a name on the address label it said things like ‘tasty children’ along those lines,” Champlin Deputy Police Chief Ty Schmidt said.

Back in high school, I bought my best friend a magazine subscription as a gift and had it addressed to her using an offensive (but obscure) slang term that we used jokingly with each other. For years afterwards, she got other junk mail offers for credit cards, etc. addressed to “Gnatbutter Smith” last name has been changed for privacy. IT WAS AWESOME. :smile:


If I was a font I would be Comic-Sans. Because my mom thinks I am funny, but everyone else hates me.


they were trying to paint the person who sent the message in as horrible a light as possible…to shame them as much as possible to the neighborhood. It does say a lot about the parents mentality what they read into the note.

I do think the note could be taken in a very creepy way, and it is probably best to not write potential creepy notes about other people’s children.

I don’t think I’d want to live next to either person.


I know a guy…


The article says the kids were often leaving things on the neighbour’s porch, which, if true, implies the overly-dramatic parents were not especially enforcing boundaries with their precious little darlings. I feel like actually going onto a part of the house when not invited to do so really would get quite annoying very quickly. This detail also provides a lot of context for the ‘tasty children’ bit, given the kids’s proximity to her actual, physical home.

  1. LOL
  2. How many months of ‘could you please tell your children to stay off my house’ must have gone by before this happened? I mean, not to rob them of their joy and security of playing on the porch of a person who has asked them to leave, of course…