Now we’ve got a pattern for your new invention! Print the MSDS directly on the roll… or emboss it as the texture!
Well, I thought about a line-of-jets inkjet printer with e.g. soy-based ink that would print a pattern on demand as the paper gets unrolled.
Re MSDSs, some are so woefully devoid of useful information that they should be printed on a soft paper to be good at least for something.
God knows there are plenty of EULAs I’ve wanted to wipe my butt with.
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Nor is how the toilet seat is left, but that one generates a lot of angst as well …
Just sit on it. Saves the effort with aiming.
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Yes — and that’s definitely the way to go when it’s dark and you don’t want to spoil your night vision and wake yourself up or mess up the floor …
But there are two available options for compromise over the toilet seat: We all leave the seat the way we used it, or we all put the lid down. Anyone who can’t agree to one of those is just saying “I want my own way …” 
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Leading to the following exchange in a galaxy far far away… “Luke, use the dark side”
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Yes a NEW square is fine. But a NEW square. Totally new square. LOL
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Although I was brought up to think of them as a weird French (and thus slightly suspicious) affectation, I’d happily have one fitted at home too. They really do help keep the Unspeakable Nethers (thank you) clean, comfortable and hygienic. But sadly I’m the only fan in my household and it’ll be a while before we need a bathroom refurb.
Slightly more odd are those modern Japanese all-in-one toilet and bum wash gadgets. I once used a bathroom in a home that also accommodated a quadriplegic wheelchair user, so it had one of those things to save the carers from butt wiping. Hitting the wrong flush button generated a big surprise and a mess as I leapt up to avoid the unexpected pressure washing from below. If I’d stayed seated it would also have blow dried as well …
I’ll tell you what, I’ve lived in Japan a while. When I go abroad and have to go back to scraping my arse with a clump of paper, it feels positively barbaric. Never feel like I got it all.
In winter there’s nothing nicer than a welcoming heated toilet seat, a satisfying poo, and a refreshing squirt of hot water up the bum.
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Isn’t the dark side the used one?
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Coscto has various different attachments and bidet systems that aren’t too outrageously expensive (and I’m sure Amazon has similar products). I have a couple friends who have purchased them and THEY ARE AWESOME. My favorite part of is the puff of warm air up your bum. Divine.
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Yeah, I can see how that would be good. Once you’re used to it and the additional functions aren’t sprung unexpectedly …
The bidet wins in my book by allowing an easy freshen up back and front each time without having to get in the shower. Unless you know of a Japanese super-loo that does that too?
Now imagine such thing made by (say) Apple, and getting a firmware update changing the interface in the middle of the “act”…
Or, having the user interface featuring one big orange “Crapper Check” light…
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My partner turned off the heater for the sprayer once without telling me. That’ll wake you up. WOW
They pretty universally have 2 functions, usually one with an icon of a bum, the other with an icon of a lady. Here’s a typical one available in the USA from Toto, one of the brands you see everywhere.
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sudo make sandVich
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terrible. absolutely terrible. even if it made me laugh. my hands, they are firmly on my hips. 
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It is called a sarcasm. 
And they could add Game Centre, Facebook and Twitter integration too, for a truly social experience …
I had a look at the Toto website too @EcholocateChoco. Beginning to see the attraction, but I’m pretty sure New Zealand is way at the end of their supply chain, so they’ll be out of our price range for a long while to come.
Plus, Self Rimming Lavatories? The mind boggles …
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They’re a lot cheaper on Amazon Japan and they’ll ship internationally… just saying… 
The magic search term is “washlet”.
(They’re also sold by Amazon in the US. Ships in time for Christmas!)
