Restaurant freakout in Santa Monica, California

For a very good reason. Any worker [who is not the actual owner-manager] who uses his initiative will routinely get fired if theres even the slightest controversial outcome of the situation. (eg, worker is trying to delicately eject patron, patron slips, patron injured: worker fired.) The only thing they can do is let it play out or call the police.

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Hey, they don’t have a monopoly on ignorant attention whores and drama queens; CA has it’s fair share too.

That being said, I think I might have dared the woman to call 911, since she was so adamant about calling the police over alleged “excessive PDA.”

That’s an assumption. No one is qualified to diagnose anyone else based solely on the footage in question.

For all we know, she might just be a really unpleasant person who’s desperate for other people to pay her some attention.

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Im curios - is this an interracial couple? Something sets this woman off in a way that just suggests this is something more than just a reaction to two people in love…

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I dunno, but I am gonna say that the woman in question is lucky; many other people wouldn’t have tolerated all that needless disrespect and name calling - this could have easily ended up as a “World Star” beat-down video…

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I wondered that too but she didn’t mention anything about race until the guy in line spoke up.

I believe there’s some sort of transference going on as the lady has some lewd photos of herself out there on the public entertron.

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I concur; immediately going right to sexual/gendered slurs (ugly, bitch, prostitute, whore) almost all exclusively directed at the female - the woman has some apparent issues with her own sexuality, methinks.

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Well, I hope the rest of their date got better.

shrug

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And there’s no easy way for her to escape as it is within her.

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Hey, after that things can only get better, right?

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Well that’s why I think it might be a racial thing; being overtly racist to a couple because they’re interracial might be too much (at first) for this woman, but she can transfer her racism to the low-paid service worker because he has to treat her like a customer (who is of course “always right”).

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I don’t really see this lady as having much of a filter.

(Besides, I thought the racist part was directed at another customer. The guy in line that ended up getting in her face. I could be wrong. I don’t think I can watch it again.)

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I think if it was racially motivated, bigoted slurs would have come oozing out of her gaping maw right along with all the misogynistic name calling.

Just my opinion.

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Oh, absolutely. She calls the popo in Texas (maybe even Austin), I’d give her 50/50. In California the chance of the cops backing her up are…smaller.

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Maybe she’d prefer living a country where you can be stoned to death for kissing in public.

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The man has no neck

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You’re probably right - she had no filter.

All I know is that the people filming this had a lot more restraint than I would have had; someone calls the woman I’m with an ugly whore, I’m going to slap those words right out of her mouth.

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Oh, dude; as much smack as she talked, she’d have gotten molli-wopped had it been someone like me on the receiving end of all that verbal abuse.

And then I’d have to deal with the consequences of my actions, of course.

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You sound pretty ethical, though

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Not to mention the fact that you won’t find “shouts at people in restaurants” listed as anywhere as a symptom of any mental illness I’m aware of. You could argue its a sign of anti-social personality disorder, but a personality disorder is not a mental illness, and failing to distinguish between the two is a reasonable indication that someone shouldn’t be attempting a diagnosis (not to mention that people who are qualified will refuse to do so on the basis of looking at videos on the internet). A better model might be what therapists sometimes call “mistaken thinking”: a belief about the way the world is (and a way of acting on it) that’s out of sync with reality. This is not a sign of metal illness either.

Having been a person whose job included a clear duty to be the person who got shouted at like this (the people under me were volunteers) there’s a common pattern. What I repeatedly saw was something like this:

Some people get the idea that belligerence is the way to get what they want, for what ever reason. Since people don’t like dealing with it, for good reasons*, a common reaction is to humor the person so they go away. This works to de-escalate the situation in the moment, but leads to people thinking they got what they wanted, which tends to reinforce it as a way of behaving towards other people. Moreover since they are being humored, in reality they aren’t always getting what they want, which leads them to escalate further the next time around, in the belief that doing so will get them what they want. As a result they never get to develop any alternative behaviors but get stuck in a vicious cycle of self-reinforcing assholery. Moreover since no one likes assholes, and they believe they are acting in the way they need to, it can lead to a sense of personal aggrievement (especially not feeling listened too), which they can use to justify their behavior to themselves.

*This is also why confronting them tends not to work. Its a strategy based on escalation, so their only response to being confronted is to escalate further, all the way up to actual violence or threats of violence (which should be taken seriously).

A better response is often to reply in a way that makes them feel listened to (addressing underlying causes), while being clear you are not acceding to their demand. So they have a way to back down without losing face.

“I’m sorry you didn’t get a Donald Trump figurine with your Happy Meal. Unfortunately they’ve been very popular and we both agree a Hilary Clinton bobblehead is no substitute. Unfortunately I can’t process a compensation claim at this till. As soon as I’ve served these customers I will call head office and make sure no other customer has to face this indignity. I know thats not what you wanted and I understand that you don’t want to come back here, but we will always be happy to listen to your ideas on training the staff by shipping them to North Korea.” and other such therapy speak.

This won’t always work of course, or even be possible, and can be better delivered by a third party who is seen as uninvolved and has the authority to act (“let me call my manager”).

I’m not convinced there would have been a good way of responding here, certainly there’s a different dynamic than would have been the case if it was directed at the server, nor was there any duty to placate her, butt even assholes don’t like to think of themselves as such, so I’d be tempted to go with the bare faced apology “I’m so sorry, I had no idea it would offend you, it was totally out of order, thanks for pointing it out. Please forgive us, I guess we got carried away” (sad face), YMMV, of course (and yes I am that sort of asshole, (also I have an English accent**)).

**I’m English, so the proper term has fewer letters, and tends not to translate. I’m also 6’5" and spent 3 years studying performance art. Since my first instinct was to include the phrase “My wife and I just got some happy news, I guess we got a little carried away”, the big lie and all that, you are probably best just ignoring everything I say. Don’t try this at home folks, I’m likely to be winding you up.

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Unfortunately, the police are ill-equipped to provide mental health care.

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