The Candy Hierarchy, 2014

I recall that they were called peanut butter kisses, but till now I hadn’t seen “Mary Jane” on one. I remember Mary Janes looking like this:


First time I saw one of these was when I was 8, and I got one from a house where the kid (older than most of us) was a known troublemaker. I already knew what “Mary Jane” meant, so I wondered if they were handing out some kind of dope/poison. After 1 or 2 days worrying about it I finally took the risk and ate it. Or maybe it was a long-term strategy on the neighbor’s part, as it’s quite possible that delicious, partially-hydrogenated Mary Jane is still coating my arteries.

I’m sure every neighborhood had some impossibly naive person who went out for the night, but left out a tray of candy with a sign that said “please only take one.”

When I was 6 there was an older woman in our neighborhood, whom none of us actually knew, who would always answer the door with a plate of M&Ms. Not just on Halloween. We’d knock on the way home from school and she’d open the door with her plate of M&Ms for us. I’d already been warned about strangers bearing candy, but when I saw the other kids partake with no immediate ill effects, I was hooked as well.