Trump: "I was always the best athlete"


Yeah the best athletes are always on teams with a losing record. He was captain of a shitty baseball team.


Where are his trophies and medals?

I really hate to defend Trump. However, he apparently was a pretty good baseball player in high school.
These aren’t just Trump’s claims. According to his high school coach, he was a good first baseman.

Now, was he the best? No. We are also talking about being the best player at Preppy High School. However, I imagine this whole athlete thing is one area where he isn’t completely full of shit.

He also is rumored to have a remarkably great golf game. Which isn’t surprising. He works very hard at being a professional golfer and an amateur president.


That means he was fat and couldn’t run.


Being good at baseball is easy when you always start at 3rd base.

As for golf, well…


Worth repeating and it acts as an excuse to say:
Nice tag on the story, @frauenfelder!


I’m picturing a poop emoji in each golf course hole.


Or they were a veterinarian…


I’ll have what he’s having.


He, uh, cheats like the motherfucker that he is, is what I’m told.


And I’m the best lay… ever.


Don’t be ridiculous… that’s my title.



As for golf, well…

He is a very good golfer. He should really consider the Senior PGA tour. However, that is a full-time commitment.


See how humble he is? He is, out of everyone in the world, the best at everything, and no one knows it! He really is the most humble person ever - all that being the case, he still manages to refrain from constantly telling everyone how much better he is at everything that’s going on than they are and/or just doing their jobs for them. Such restraint! Such humility!

He was too humble to accept them. You know, like all the honors and awards he’s turning down these days.

It’s a pretty convincing argument, I have to say. It explains how shambolic his whole campaign was (the lack of any people who knew what they were doing for most of it), and the total lack of preparation for when he won. Also the penny-ante cons and scams he’s run in office compared to what he could have done had he been prepared (and what he seemed to be lining up for when he lost).


But he ran as a Republican in 2016, and given the competition in the Repub primary, a deranged baboon with alopecia could have won against the clown show that were the other Repub candidates. As indeed it did.


Does it work if the response is just incoherent burbling?


Is it just me, or does Trump’s doctor look remarkably like Steve Bannon at his seediest?


I had a bad year? Sir, bite your tongue. I believe your year is about to get a whole lot worse.


So, Steve Bannon regularly?


Let’s see, 12 days into 2018:

  • A bestselling book reveals that every single member of Trump’s dysfunctional White House essentially sees him as an unstable toddler and his former Chief Strategist believes the meeting Trump’s son put together with the Russians constituted an act of treason
  • Investigative journalists have just revealed he paid off a porn star $130K in hush money over a sexual encounter they had just months after the “grab em by the pussy” incident
  • The country and world are once again reacting with disgust and anger after some of the most overtly racist comments made by this or any President
  • Robert Mueller has formally requested a May trial date for Paul Manafort and Richard Gates
  • Probably a ton of other scandals I already forgot about because they were all supplanted by new ones in the last 12 hours

Maybe he’s just trying to get all the scandals out of the way at once so the rest of the year is smooth sailing.


I’m tempted to just start ordering UberEats to deliver buckets of KFC to the White House. Just … deep fry that fucker’s arteries once and for all.