“Can’t have one of those regular oranges! These oranges are soaked in blood! Like a man! Wait, what? They just call them that because they’re red on the inside? They taste basically like regular oranges? I… I don’t know who I am anymore…”
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Klingon stuff.
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Came here to post this quote. So I’ll leave with my heart attached. Nice writing there.
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Well, that’s a good mentality for an outdoorsman!
This whole thread could be cross posted to the toxic masculinity thread. Egads.
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one of the three Musketeers? but he would never fail.
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Are they aware that many lip balms now have SPF, that humans can’t withstand temperatures approaching 140º, and blood orange mint sounds exactly like what a teen girl might want as a flavor?
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I’ve not felt so confident in an internet post in a long time, but I feel very confident in saying the answers to those questions are no, no, and NO!
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She wept at the sight of him, heroically fallen in his war against the elements. Specifically he had declared war on fire, it looked like. Alas, it had proven too clever a foe, and now all that was left of him was a charred and melted corpse. Only his lips remained untouched…preserved by the tactical protectant…and she indulged herself in one final kiss farewell. “Goodbye, love…oh, blech! Blood oranges and mint? Simply not something a woman like me can handle together.”
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maybe they were out of nicotine flavor
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Love it. Just one note, if I may?
The “woman” should probably be “girl,” since it was probably a child bride, you know, one of the “teen girls” this stuff is not meant for.
I’m a stickler for accuracy. 
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If by “they”, you mean “the target demographic”, then no they are not aware. Or will not admit it.
However, if you mean “the marketing people behind this product”, I don’t believe the facts enter the conversation at any point. The conversations are all about “what words will make our target demographic feel like they want to buy this product?”
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If you’re already loading up your survival pit with bulk items, a 13oz petroleum jelly is really the only way to go for lip care. None of that soyboy lip balm. Drill baby drill!
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Try a Target. I know I’ve seen some lip smacker coca cola ones at my local one.
Is the magazine printed so super manly mens can casually leave it out on their coffee table or whatever?
Maybe their toilet, next to the tactical wipes
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Bean’s reply really should have been, “Her Ford? Where the fook’s Her Ford?! Do y’mean Hera Fud, y’fookin’ divvy?!”
Edited for vowels.
What on earth is happening back there that someone needs to get tactical with it?!
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“BREECH AND CLEAR!!!”
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Everybody poops. But only a select few tactically void with full operational efficiency and complete mission dominance!
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"This is my butt. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
"My butt is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
"Without me, my butt is useless. Without my butt, I am useless.
"I must poop my butt true. I must poop straighter than my enemy who is trying to poop me.
“I must poop him before he poops me.”
Pvt Pile
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So close to perfect but I have to point out that “Pvt Piles” was right there! 
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